Commitment You Say?
COMMITMENT YOU SAY?
I am not scared of commitment.
However, will that commitment slowly suck the joy out of my life?
That’s what scares the hell outta me.
You don’t notice it happening because it is incremental.
A little suggestion here, a snide remark there.
A frown or a look that says … what are you even thinking?
A distancing of emotional closeness in public,
a holdback of same at home as punishment,
for what?
The baited communication I responded to… given so freely,
is attacked and decoded until I barely recognize it.
Future communications then have to be filtered
strained through a sieve for unperceived flaws
guarded to protect the innocent.
Enthusiasm for interactions with friends and family
needs to be toned down or stifled.
Expressing joy invites a special need to camouflage the source.
Unadorned joy outside of the parameters of the commitment
is quickly leashed in and caged.
The need to follow unspoken rules to keep the harmony,
hmmm, scratch that… to keep the rumblings of distant thunder at bay.
The trouble is… the climate keeps changing and
it’s only a matter of time before the storm rolls in
creating a tsunami of destruction.
Weaving harmony into this fabric
when the threads are made up of hurt, sadness, and disappointment
only invites discord and anger.
I try to seek out the different patterns,
various fabrics, and even special needles…
until eventually I want to stick those same needles into my eyes
rather than continue in this god-forsaken joyless life.
Commitment.. you say?
let’s just stay
uncommitted
and let
joy
rule the waves
of our
love
copyright June 17th, 2014
revised March 23rd, 2024