Intimacy in a relationship should be the norm but apparently it isn’t. My curiosity knows no bounds I guess, and trying figure out what to expect from a relationship keeps me guessing. What should I know, am I being unrealistic. Can you have fantastic sex again after a long marriage, and into old age? God I sure hope so!
Excuse my ramblings, but this is not a subject that is easily discussed. Sure, as females we laugh and joke about our ‘love life’ or lack of it, what we don’t discuss is the reality of it all. Are you happy with your intimacy level, or are you unhappy? I am only referring to the over 50 age group, well ok, over 60! Some might wonder (kids and grandkids) if we still have sexual urges at that age, well kids, if we’re not supposed to.. you better get me neutered!
The emotional journey in our relationships or marriage, encompasses all aspects of our daily lives and not just sex. Sex, I think, plays a bigger role in our beginning years and is all important in cementing the ‘bond’. With-out sexual release I think the daily stress of living together with another person would be unbearable.. and it may just keep us from killing each other!
The start of any relationship is always foreplay, kissing, touching and embracing is a big part of establishing that ‘bond’, don’t you think? Then of course there is the sex part, which is always exciting in the beginning, but needs some nurturing later on to keep it alive and well? How much you ask hmmm… that is a really good question.
This is what I think, it should always be exciting or at least satisfying! Ok sometimes you just do it for the other persons well being. You do it because you want to keep them happy, or you are sick of their whining, either way it is still a loving gesture and deserves respect. Do we also grant sexual favors in return for something, of course not.. ok so that’s a lie, I’m guilty.
There are also the lulls or ‘dry spells’ and it will pick up again after awhile, or a night out on the town with alcohol.. oh ya! Lock the doors and cover your ears this could get downright loud and dirty! Too much alcohol and it turns into a long dragged out erotic thought, that didn’t quite pan out, but seemed like a good idea at the time.
Then there are the times you secretly hate that other person (really, or is it just hurt feelings.. na, it is hate) and that could turn into a really long dry spell. Everything looks good on the surface but look underneath and you could get scorched! “What’s wrong with you anyway?” Let me count the ways….
I like discussing my friends love lives (I am not a pervert.. just curious). I have discerned a disturbing trend or have I been living under a rock. There are a lot of us, my age, that are sleeping in separate beds and.. and.. not even having sex at all!!!!!
Seems like such a waste to me and I want to know why? Oh sure, not all are abstaining , we have the secret lovers in a box or Ziploc bag, hidden somewhere ready to spring into action.. get that motor humming! But you get the picture. (If my kids are reading this, I just make this shit up)
The thing is, we all need human touch and the secret lover IS NOT HUMAN! Get rid of it and put that imagination to use in your relationship, unless you are mutually agreeable to the abstinence. Kissing, touching, holding hands, hugging, and cuddling are acceptable alternatives. Saying “I love you” and other really nice things, to each other also count. Saying “well I sleep with you ..don’t I?” IS NOT A TERM OF ENDEARMENT!
Sorry but I just don’t ‘get it’ why are you all sleeping in separate beds? Intimacy in a relationship is so important to our very well being. My search continues.. I WANT IT ALL! I know it is out there and I also know ‘sex after sixty’ can be the best and better than you have ever had it before! How do I know.. well that is a story for another blogpost..
We as women, need to explore our sexual sides and own it.. most of us are missing out on a huge pleasurable part of being a woman, and it is never too late.. trust me, the best is yet to come…