When I am confused or needing insight, this is where I come. Writing my thoughts down invariably seems to sort them out. This is a tough one though and I seem to be at a loss.
Usually the words flow, and even though what I thought I was writing about, may change into something completely different, that’s ok. I always seem get an insight along the way or maybe satisfaction, in some cases, closure. I never really know for sure how a blog will transpire.. unless it is a rant.. lol.
This blog may be different, I am sailing into unknown territory. It started with an anticipated call, at supper time, from my doctor. I had missed his call the day before because my phone was in the bedroom and ‘The Voice’, had my full attention in the living room.
I had some tests done last week, blood work and an ultra sound (no baby.. darn!).
I have the best doctor, but.. that wasn’t always the case. Some years back, he started to become distracted and seemed rushed all the time, and I felt.. he didn’t really listen to me. (I was thinking he maybe needed a hearing aid.. and yes Dr. I am serious, if you are reading this)
Then he disappeared, poof.. he was gone, no explanations.. nothing! It was disconcerting and no one seemed to know where he was or what happened.
The most important people in your life, besides family and best friends, is your doctor and your hairdresser right? You can always track down your hairdresser, she may run but she can’t hide, eventually you find out where she is .. thank God!
How do you track down a disappearing doctor though? “Where is he?” I’m sorry he is on a leave of absence.. “is he sick?” I’m sorry I have no more information for you “when will he be back?” I’m sorry, yada yada yada.. SHIT !
His calm acceptance of my biggest secret fear, of getting Alzheimer’s or dementia, made him my ‘forever’ doctor. Ending up on a freeway, totally dis-oriented, not knowing how to get to a business we had done many jobs for, over the years, scared the hell out of me, on a routine visit I confessed this to him.
Sending me to a specialist saved me from such a great deal of unnecessary stress. A weight was lifted, and I will never forget that, thank you if you are reading this, my relief was genuine. That was so many years ago, now old age is creeping up, and forgetfulness is a daily occurrence..
I pride myself on finding answers, but to this day I still don’t know what happened. A doctor does not disappear from his practice for no reason, you can bet there is a story here, if your are reading this (my doctor) please don’t let me die without telling me, ok?
He was gone for years.. well ok I am exaggerating, but it seemed like that, a year for sure! His practice includes other physicians which covered for him. Even if he was going deaf, I still preferred him to anyone else, he had my trust.
As hysterically (its a typo, but it fits) as he disappeared, he reappeared. No please, or thank you or kiss my butt (I changed it from ass, just sounds better).. he just re-appeared! Whatever happened to him, changed him profoundly.. he wasn’t deaf anymore!
This same doctor, that was always in a rush.. came in and sat down across from me, like he had all the time in the world. (I am not making this up) We even chit chatted for a couple minutes and he actually listened, like I really had something to share. (sometimes I do.. sometimes I don’t, we discuss everything from Iphones to inventions, he actually gave me a great idea this last time I was in)
Nothing to disclose about his absence .. nada! Sure I liked him before, but now we are cooking with oil. This new demeanor is so exciting, he is so relaxed, I can actually feel the difference in him, he patiently explains whatever it is I need to know. (except where he was and his age) He always was a highly competent doctor, but now he is exceptional!
I get to participate in my own health, we have discussions about what is best for me. Googling my own symptoms and even using my iPhone to monitor my blood pressure.. doesn’t faze him. He just smiles and takes it all in stride, even letting me show him how I do it.
My biggest concern before this phone call from him, was his age! He won’t tell me how old he is.. and it frustrates the hell out of me. “I want to be sure you will be around to look after me in my old age” I tell him. “Well how old are you going to live too?” he asks me. Thing is, he looks ageless to me. I tell him 90 yrs, he says “oh .. don’t worry I’ll be here for you“.. whew!
The news from his phone call is not so good, a routine check on my blood sugar levels, which we decided to monitor, has turned to another set of problems. He tacked on an ultra sound to my blood work testing, after I casually mentioned a minor irritant, that I didn’t think much of at the time.
Turns out the ultra sound results are not so good, surgery may be in my future, along with what else I wonder. If that is the case, no more babies for me, but being a pensioner, that is probably a good thing, babies are not cheap anymore! You try living on a pension.
So this blog has turned into a tribute to my doctor! Writing this down has helped me to know in my heart, whatever this journey will entail, I am in good hands and if I don’t outlive my doctor, well that is a good thing. None of us knows how long we have here, anyway. I really do try to make each day count.
I am sending this to him, I have been telling him I am going to write about him someday and today is the day!
I am so lucky to have you as a doctor. Please know that you make a difference in my life and the rest of your patients I’m sure.. you are, and always have been, an important and integral part of our wellbeing, and our quality of life. THANK YOU .. THANK YOU.. THANK YOU!
Ladies.. we need to be vigilant with our health, do the necessary yearly test and check-ups. Try to mention everything or better yet.. write it down (I do that a lot) insignificant as it is, it could be important!
Ps to my kids .. I will try to refrain with the dying jokes.. “I have more than enough money to live on .. but only until next year, then I need to die.” well ok I still think it is funny…