HAPPY BIRTHDAY .. baby girl (41 yrs old)

Forty one years ago I was cooking and blending all your own baby food.. nothing but the best for my first baby. Sugar and ice cream and esp. chocolate NEVER crossed your lips on my watch.

We were smitten with you.. it was love at first sight. You were absolutely perfect in every way. The joy of you filled my heart to overflowing. I never knew I could ever love so much.

With all that love and joy, came deep heart-ache as well. When you hurt I hurt.. it is a fact of being a mom. We don’t always get it right, but we try.. my god.. we really do.

I cried when I had to leave you with my mom and go back to work. I only had a few precious short weeks with you. Owning my own business was a curse at that time! I left a 17 page journal for your nana (my mom) so she would better understand how to care for you.

That she had 7 children of her own that she raised had no bearing on how I wanted my precious bundle cared for.

Along with the 17 pages was strict instructions to NEVER take you anywhere in her car! I DID NOT trust her driving at all. My mom let on years later that she never even read those meticulously prepared notes. “You never really expected me to read them did you?” OF COURSE I DID! geez..

It has been two weeks since your visit to me here in  my winter home. I ignored your cringing and gritting your teeth as I drove, I am a good driver you know.. I gave my own mom driving lesson.. hmmmm

For a whole week we hit every great place to eat.. we stuffed our selves with appetizers and pasta and even ordered the Italian fried ‘doughnuts’ with the warm raspberry sauce at Olive Garden. Omg kill us now.. sugar be damned! We worked it off in the pool everyday.. well ok.. so there was not enough pool time to work it all off..lol.

If there was anything I could redo .. I would go back and play with you more. Well.. maybe I would also cut back on the ‘gripe water’ .. seems you have an affinity to alcohol now, and I wonder if I am to blame for that? But that’s what we do .. the best we can. I know you understand because you are a mom too, and a great one!

I cried when you left, the visit was not long enough, you need to make more time to play with me.. ironic huh?

This is your 41st birthday, but it is just a number. You are still my biggest joy and my wish for you, is the same as all moms.. I want you to be happy, because when you hurt..  I hurt.