hand job .. or hand-over your job

Do you ever wonder how your life is going to turn out? Maybe you already know: You’re married and plan to live happily ever after. Well, we all know that is not totally true. Some will always struggle to find happiness, others will find peace, but many will grow apart, and some of us are cutting our losses and starting anew.

Some married couples still enjoy each other’s company and strive to make their partners happy. You know who they are. Others put on a great front, and some who don’t even bother. What I find astonishing, although six years ago I thought I was alone, is that our age group is the fastest-growing demographic for divorces.

Women are good at adapting to most situations. We are the nurturers, the peacemakers, the cheerleaders, and the nurses for whatever or whoever is ailing. Seems like we are always tending to everyone’s needs and wants, but is anyone tending to ours?

I can understand the middle-aged man (well, no, I never did understand) seeking out his lost youth in a younger woman. Well, it seems older women are starting to take stock of what life has left to offer them. Not liking what we see, it seems we are terminating our long-term marriages in droves.

Women aren’t seeking out a younger sex mate. Hell no, most aren’t even getting it on with their old one. If it is a ‘sex thing’, then we should have brothels for women as well as men. Everyone could live happily ever after, have their cake and eat it too. On the contrary, I think it is just a matter of learning how to adapt and change as we age, and also expressing our changing desires. Mine told me flat out he was never going to change, which made my decision easier.

Well, it’s never easy to leave a long-term marriage. Had he been willing to make an effort to accommodate some of my wants, the ending may have been much different for us. I think a lot of men who are so used to the status quo and being catered to are in for a big surprise as retirement looms.

This is not rocket science, it’s quite simple, and why is this so hard to understand? True, we were conditioned to keep our man happy to keep him at home; it was a different generation back then. But the saying ‘happy wife, happy life’ doesn’t resonate with the older guys, they are still living in their own fantasy bubbles.

The younger generation understands about sharing everything, well, maybe not childbirth, but there is a device out there that simulates birthing contractions, and it has made grown men cry! It is now ok for men to cry and share household chores too.. btw.

The thing is, we need to put our partner first and fill her or his needs, and it has to be mutual. See, we older gals were taught to keep our men happy, but our men dropped the ball with us. Well, guess what, the bubble has burst and all these bewildered men are wondering why their supper isn’t on the table.

The sexual part is negotiable, I think. Keeping the intimacy part is so important, with touching, kissing, holding hands, and cuddling. Women are emotional creatures, and if our emotional needs are met, we will never leave, ever! Men will leave for sexual needs; that is how they are wired.

Emotional and sexual intimacy together is an amazing experience and one that is worth living, fighting, and even dying for (and yes, I believe that). Each on its own may not sustain a relationship, but not having either will surely kill it, and it should die, but not a long and painful death…okay?

There are a lot of reasons why we are leaving these marriages behind, but it doesn’t have to be this way. Wake up and pay attention, look after your emotional well-being or even sexual well-being if that is the case. For the men, better to give yourself a hand job than to hand over your job/wife for someone else to appreciate. That is what you are going to be missing for the rest of your life.

I welcome your input … do you agree with me, or do you have some other insight?

copyright May 21st, 2016