Flying high, not for the faint of heart .. or me apparently (written before the pandemic)

Why is it everyone thinks I am so brave to drive south by myself? I have been driving myself everywhere my whole life. I have even driven a few men crazy, with no vehicle, using just my body.. ok so that was a few years ago in my first life. The truth is I like driving, and taking road trips is my favorite, getting lost along the way is part of my life stories.

There are many stories in my three lives so far, but driving is the one for my blog today. Flying is ok for the young and those that are strong and have patience and a good immune system. I possess none of those attributes, a matter of fact every time I fly I seem to get sick. I’m talking the sick in bed, for days at a time kind.

Is there any person alive today that loves flying anymore.. well is there? The flying itself has turned into a nightmare of no legroom, cramped spaces, and no-frills. I remember a time flying to Hawaii, we had a lounge upstairs in the plane where we could smoke as well as drink. Our meals were served on Wedgwood china.. and I am not making this up.

We weren’t even flying first class, this was for everyone, hard to believe I know. So scratch the planes and the no-service on them and let’s look at the airports. If you haven’t been humiliated in a long time then you have not been on a trip that requires air travel. Lord have mercy on us and those security people, really.

I have done a fair amount of traveling and this past September saw me in Portugal, Morocco, and Paris. If I never fly again it will be too soon. Strip us all naked, hose us down and throw us all into cattle cars, but first, make us go through Disneyland lineups. Lordy lordy, if you put surgical masks on us, you would actually be doing us a favour. (I wrote this before the pandemic)

Throw in a bad case of food poisoning from a Phoenix airport eatery over a year ago and you get the picture. So it is a bleak picture I am painting and sure, it’s not bad all the time, but pretty close. It’s impossible to escape all the inconveniences.

I will share one story from a few years ago. We landed in Newark USA, we were changing planes from a trip originating in Europe. Our plane is not ready because they can’t find a pilot. Then voilĂ ’ they find a pilot.. only to lose him again. Oh, and they found a different plane for us at another gate (what was wrong with the first plane?)

It gets even more complicated it’s only supposed to be a ten-minute wait which was an outright lie. Two hours for the other plane to get out of our new gate and then they tow in our plane.. don’t even ask. So the plane is full and we are asked to check our carry-ons when we board. I will never do that again either.

Once at our destination, which was Calgary Alberta, Canada, we all hurry like we are in a race to get off the plane and collect our luggage. The plane was two hours late, could have been later but we made up time in the air, how does that happen I wonder. Do they speed up the plane, use supercharged fuel or throw our luggage out?

Well, we hit the jackpot as our main checked suitcases are first out of the chute. Remember our checked carry-ons, well we wait and wait and wait. All the luggage has come out but half the plane’s passengers including us, are still waiting. A plane from Chicago comes in and passengers collect their luggage and leave and we are still waiting.

Now can someone tell me how you unload half a plane and then go and unload another plane that comes in? Is that how it works? Well apparently the crew unloading our plane had put in their regular shift and they just left, even though the job wasn’t finished.. I swear this is the truth. We had to wait for the next shift to come in. We end up waiting an hour and a half for our carry-ons, I wish I was making this up but I’m not.

Then there was that time I beeped going through security. They pulled me aside and in front of everyone, made me spread my legs while they put that wand all over and felt me up, they then swabbed my hands (do some drugs cause the beeper to go off?) It was quite a show they put on and I was truly humbled, it was also humiliating but I managed to keep my composure.

They never did find anything and I rushed to make it to my next flight. As I was looking for my phone to see how much time I had left voila’, there it was lodged in my bra (where I sometimes keep it, having no pockets) geez! At least I found the source of the beeps just saying.

Missing pilots and planes that need to be towed in. Ground crews that only unload half a plane, security that missed my phone in my bra. Food poisoning so bad I thought I was going to die hmmm.

I’ve decided to take my chances on the ice-encrusted, slippery winter roads this winter, at least I can make my own story, my own way, and on my own time.

#mythirdlife #lmbl

copyright Dec. 2019