Cranky-bitch won’t leave here .. how do I get rid of her?

Living a pain filled life has got to be one of the hardest sacrifices we do for family and self. Being brand new to this, I can’t stop thinking about those that live everyday in pain. How do I stop myself from whining and I want to cry a lot, but most of all I want my mommy.

Its been two weeks since this pain took hold of me in the form of sciatica, in my back and down my right leg and into my toes. Since being diagnosed it seems like people are coming out of the woodwork sharing their own stories of hell. This last gal, just tonight, told me she had it at 8 months pregnant and it brought her to her knees literally.

How do you cope with pain so severe it leaves you unfocused and unsure of life itself. I made jokes about wanting to punch someone or killing someone or myself .. but was it really joking or my subconscious trying to tell me something? Here I am once again at 3:30 am unable to get ‘comfortable’ in my skin.

The drugs work slowly, let’s see.. Tylenol three and muscle relaxers prescribed by my doctor..  ibuprofen 600 gel caps and Dolcaps, both from Mexico. My physiotherapist is doing cold laser treatments (not covered under our Medicare system) if they had to operate I would be fully covered.. go figure.

The next treatment on my list may be for acupuncture, the body can only take so many drugs, or can it? The gal that shared her story tonight has a physiotherapist she recommends, but I am dis-allusioned. The cold laser treatments don’t seem to be working.

Meanwhile though, I think I’ll call that acupuncture guy that another girlfriend has highly recommended.

The reason for this blog post, besides whining about my pain (which helps a lot btw.. just sayin..) is an ‘AHA’ moment I had this morning. Well that would be yesterday morning, my days and nights are running together. I wake up in pain and can’t even think straight except to down yet another pill and wait for it to take effect.

While waiting.. I sit, stand, walk around. bend over from the waist .. shuffle from one foot to the other, twist this way and that, look at the clock, lay down, get up and repeat all of the above all over again. Should I take another pill I wonder, how do people cope I think again, for the thousandth time, or am I just a wimp? I go make a pot of coffee..

I love this.. took me a couple seconds though.. lol

Its now 4:30 am and why isn’t that pill kicking in? Maybe I need to up the dosage crosses my mind. My girlfriend that lives in constant pain is also on my mind and once more I am so remorseful about giving her advice about something I knew absolutely nothing about.. I am doing penance for that!!

I can smell the coffee .. what a lovely distraction. My mouth is so dry you could manufacture cotton balls in there, seriously, a side effect of the drugs. The other end of me has dried up as well.. and I’m sure before this is all over I’ll have a hernia to boot! Or piles or whatever the hell they call those things.. you know what I’m talking about.

Eating is not compromised by this condition, we’re talking about the pain now.. the elimination of wastes from what you eat is a different matter. What you eat and how you eat and where you eat it doesn’t matter either, it is a distraction. Going out to eat is not really feasible, mainly because I have turned into.. cranky-bitch!

Cereal is my go to.. (men will understand this one) don’t have to cook it, or prepare it, just pour into a bowl and add milk.. I hate it when I run out of milk! As it turns out, two days ago I ran out of cereal but I remember seeing a box way.. way back in the cupboard behind the bag of flour! (a man would never have found it!) Bonus.. until I tasted it and it was stale, ugh.. did I eat it anyway, dam rights I did! I’m not proud of sharing that.. but I feel beyond redemption anyway so who cares..

Speaking of food.. I’m finally getting around to the ‘meat’ of this blog post. Being a Canadian we all know that pot is coming online here soon. I have a friend down south that swears by CBD oil made from cannabis.. for pain! I have been telling my gf about it and also friends. This NEVER dawned on me for myself!!!!!!

Smoking pot only once in my life (I swear.. even though my granddaughter does not believe me) I would not smoke now either (it was too hard to quit smoking.. not going there again) but eating it is another way or applying it as an ointment? So there you have it .. I’m pretty sure I’m going to try that route.

I just need to get that second opinion from my doctor. I will keep you informed of what progresses on this front OR.. I will live happily ever after in la la land .. not giving a shit about anything. (ya.. you got it..lol)

Btw..  I also told my granddaughter I slept with Bon Jovi.. but it was wasted on her.. she doesn’t even know who that is.