You are my Hero

Everyday heroes .. are you one of these?

Recently I was honored with a most unusual compliment.. a well respected woman whom I admire greatly actually posted in a Facebook comment, that I was her hero. I will post the actual verbiage to save time and confusion so I can get on with what I want to write about today.

I consider myself an ordinary woman, person, nana, mom and friend.. being told I was someone’s hero was so humbling and amazing all at the same time. This got me to thinking, why would she say that? Obviously the woman is not delusional, in fact she’s one of the smartest women I know.

If Mary Crafts Homer thinks I am a Hero, then there must be a lot more heroes out here than I am aware of. What does it mean to be a hero I wonder. Well I need to take a stab at this, this morning, maybe something will present itself to me as it usually does when I start writing..

First off as a mom, I managed not to kill my kids before adulthood.. there is a saying I was quite fond of telling them when they pushed my buttons “there is a reason why some species eat their young!”  no hero there. Also while I’m on that thread, I let my ex live, divorcing him instead after forty years. My efforts to save that relationship however did verge on the heroic, but I’m sure that is not what she meant either.

Eight years ago I made a promise to myself.. to live my life without anger and hate. This was a solid vow to me only. It was a low point in my life, the self confidence others seen in me was just a sham. My life was in the gutter and it was alive with people like me. Even today I see those that are unhappy.. wallowing in that same gutter and I can’t help them, but I know how they feel.

How do you salvage your broken self? How do you put the pieces back together when you can’t remember where they belonged? This was excruciatingly hard, but inside me a little voice kept saying, you already did the hard part.. YOU ALREADY DID THE HARD PART.. ok already, I can hear you!

Hiring a hit man to maim some people would have made it easier for me to heal and given me some satisfaction along the way.. but I didn’t want to go to jail! Fact is, like it or not.. I had to learn to take responsibility for allowing myself to wallow in the mire in the first place, yep.

When you start making excuses and compromises for not only yourself but others as well.. that is where it all begins. I know now that I have no one to blame but myself. But.. but.. why didn’t I know this back then? Well let me tell you the answer to that.. I had to learn it by living it and breathing it and experiencing it the hard way.

It wasn’t easy and I still struggle.. do I deserve to be happy? Will people think I am a phony and am I deluding myself thinking I can write and people will want to read what I write? When I started writing it brought me peace, it made me confront the questions I had, it made me verbalize my fears and my doubts and my faults and my ambitions.

Write it down.. what are you feeling, what are you wanting.. why can’t I be rich and beautiful? Well the obvious answer here is because I am so smart instead.. ok.. so we needed some humor to lighten this up. We each have something that brings us self worth, I can’t do crafts to save my life, but writing brings me peace.

I care deeply about a lot of things. That vow I made eight years ago, still stands. Anger and hate do not linger where I live. That’s why we have hit men..  just kidding.. or am I? I care deeply about what’s happening in the world and by God.. I do want a world that is good for all of us.

There is one other thing I decided to do that I will share with you. I decided to start living with my heart.. this has brought me such joy, I seek out joy in every day now. Living by your heart can also bring great sorrow too, but I feel it is worth the pain. To live our joy, to really feel.. live in the present each day..

Well Mary if I am your hero.. you are mine, we can all change our lives for the better. You did it and I did it and those of you reading this can do it too. It takes guts to change your life and that fortunately, is something we all possess.. so bring it on!

WE can all be someone’s HERO!

 

 

 

2 thoughts on “You are my Hero

  1. I think you are heroic to put yourself out there warts and all. When we are in relationships, we see what we want to see, and when that ends it is very hard for all. We go through the grief process and when you decide that it takes too much energy to be pissed off all the time, we can proceed to enjoy and see the good things and live with our heart. It all takes time, but you are killing it!
    Well done, again.

    1. Thanks for your comments I so appreciate it when I get them. I do have a lot of warts and we are so much stronger than we know. I’m glad you ‘get it’ about living with our hearts. Our heads send us mixed messages all the time and we even put those messages into our heads .. ahhhh.. but our hearts know the difference, and gets rid of all the bullshit. It just does.. we all need to listen to our hearts more.

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