‘Rise By Design’ a class I attended last fall for uplifting women.. helping us reach our full potential.. required us, towards the end, to write a love letter to ourselves.
I left a forty year marriage to start a new life, by sharing this, maybe someone else will see themselves and not feel so alone.
This is my letter..
Your failures and inabilities to quell outbursts of anger (not your own) was just a small hiccup on this road of improbable dreams, mostly travelled.. over broken glass. We both know how hard you worked to keep it all together, so things could run smoothly.
Finding peaceful solutions in a war torn marriage required skills that you never fully understood. You thought love would conquer all. Shielding your children was always the main priority, sometimes you lost sight of that.. but only because you were fighting to save your own soul. It’s time now to give yourself the gift of forgiveness..
Your fortitude.. my god.. you dug in and held down the fort. Your ingenuity and ability to adapt to any situation, is definitely the reason you are still here. I also admire your acceptance of your weaknesses, and how you set about making yourself better. Your ability to forgive, forget and start over may have been a curse (prolonging something that should have died years earlier) but it is also your saving grace.
It takes courage to stay and face each day when sometimes you felt so alone and hopeless and unloved that you just wanted to die. Making it through the night, sometimes required all your effort. By morning light you knew it wouldn’t look so bleak, and you did it.. many times.. some don’t..
You are a warrior in the face of adversity.. knowing intimately the pain leaking from wounds caused by hatefulness and disrespect. Your moral fiber was continually tested but you always stayed true to your core values.
Your children may have some dark memories, but that is not all your fault. I applaud your ingenuity in finally bringing those episodes to as few as possible .. and your braveness. Tuning out the simmering rage.. to diffuse a situation, was not easy, but you had to. You did it for your kids.
Although I don’t like that you didn’t stand your ground and you didn’t leave.. I forgive you. I know you did what you thought was best. You didn’t want your kids to come from a broken home, as did you. You succeeded in accomplishing that!
You tend to undervalue your achievements.. your successes in business are totally due to your dedication to learning everything you can and applying it where needed. I’m also sure, that if you could have had a loving and giving relationship/partnership, you possessed the abilities to conquer the world!
Know this .. you made it happen, you made every business you started, a success.. and you didn’t back down from anything. This is a fact.. the harder it was, the more determined you became to succeed!
I applaud your courage to strike out and start a new life all by yourself.. not everyone can do that. You were 63 years old and your all-consuming desire was only.. to live.. before you died! You were broken and felt so alone and unhappy.. but you were also fierce in your determination to make your life better.
To stay in a marriage with no joy is to die a little bit everyday until there is nothing left of your soul. You refused to let that happen..
You struggled to live each day following your heart.. even when you weren’t sure if that was the right thing to do. We didn’t have any roadmaps, no one to guide us, but you figured it out .. once again, by yourself. Most would have given up, but you found the strength, somewhere deep inside of you.
WOW!!!! You created a whole new life .. filled with love and wonder and joyous happiness that just spills out all over the place…it really does..
You know that saying , “we’ve come a long way baby” well.. here we are on the other side of that long way! You truly are one amazing woman and I love .. love.. love this person you have allowed to soar and be free! Your wings were always there.. waiting..
we need to live our best life .. always..