Passing gas.. a sweet-assed deal?

Canada has a Carbon Tax for emissions, used as an incentive to clean up our  environment and reverse climate change.. it is not popular but it is inevitable.

A relative wrote me a letter complaining about being charged a ‘carbon tax’ on a reservation he made for a hotel room. He is from Alberta and they are suffering right now from a down turn in the oil industry. Alberta is an oil province and has been booming for so many years they are hard-pressed on how to handle this turn around.

He wondered if personally passing gas would eventually be taxed a ‘carbon tax’ as well? My reply to him is as follows.

I have thought about your problem a lot.. it hasn’t kept me up at night though, thank goodness. I think this is what we should all do.. read on.

Every time someone passes gas in Canada they should put a nickel in a big pickle jar. If you notice your dog or your kids let one loose, I think it only fair to put a nickel in for them too. This would be strictly on the honor system but I think fair to all.

Once the pickle jars are full we could drop them off at any Canadian Tire Store (they are everywhere and they are Canadian too.. bonus). Now here is the good part. We will ship all the nickels via Canada post (therefore creating jobs and keeping Canada Post viable) to Alberta.

Once in Alberta they could be used to diversify the economy (lord knows they put all their pennies into one basket and look what that got them).

Alberta once known for its ‘black gold’ could then be known for its ‘pickle jar nickels’ or Pickled Nickels’ omg, I can’t stop.. lol. So ok.. Alberta could set up shops all over the province and hire unemployed oilfield workers to melt down the nickels. We’ll call the stores ‘Nickelodeon’s’.

The stores would make exquisite shiny jewelry for all the American tourists that flock to Banff and Jasper national parks. We could sell it at atrocious prices accepting only American money.. this could be a real gold mine.

In this way we would all be pulling together for the common good of Canada. I see it as a win-win opportunity. We could eliminate the carbon tax.. encourage everyone to eat lentils grown in Saskatchewan (my home province) and turn something that stinks (the carbon tax) into a sweet assed deal.. did I really say that?

A little postscript here: my uncle replied asking if a small ‘pfft’ would be charged the same as say ‘an eruption’? My reply is that if you shit your pants while passing gas, I think that is taxing enough, we’ll call it a wash!



Copyright August 3 2018