My life has taken me down some unusual roads, some predictable, most not. As of late, I’ve been contemplating the end of the road. I’m not exactly looking for an end mind you, but just kinda gazing ahead at what is in store. Retiring to my cottage/cabin at the lake was sorta the plan, but sadly and with regret I’m letting this one go.
How do you see yourself ending up? Ever think about it? I think we all have some sort of warm fuzzy dream of how we are going to spend our ‘golden’ years.
In this.. ‘my third life’ I see a final chapter closing in. A little foot-note here, if I live past a hundred, well.. that could be the start of my fourth life. Maybe I could learn to sing and dance and play the piano and finally make my mom proud.. go figure?
What our moms wished for us and how we actually turn out, I’m sure is very disappointing to some, but for ‘a mothers love’.
When did this ‘old’ thing happen anyway.. age slowing down our bodies, but my mind racing faster than ever? Forgetting stuff is a pain, but that started in my forties, during my second life. My visions of being a creator/inventor are still alive but a fork in the road has lead me into writing.. my passion, as it turns out.
Now if I could make a little cash flow to help supplement the pension, I could quit my part-time stripper job. (and now my mom is rolling in her grave.. not to worry mom, if I have a fourth life, I’ll take lessons) actually they would probably pay me to keep my clothes on.. just sayin.
A Facebook post I wrote hinted at starting a new journey, and that started an excitement of sorts.. what is she up to now? Well the irons in the fire are still there, but this is more about finishing a chapter or maybe closing the whole dam book of this part of my life. Some of the chapters need deep sexing (a typo..lol, sixing) anyway, along with country music. (ok.. so not all country, see I am making a little progress here ; )
My book is dog-eared, filled with such joys and sorrows as well as more than a few heart-breaks. So many tear stained pages, storms weathered, and omg, the inevitable food stains everywhere! I lead a haphazard, unorganized and messy life. Love cooking .. hate cleaning, love bringing new ideas to life but marketing myself, not so much. The stuff I don’t know could fill a library.. but what I do know I share with everyone, like it or not.. AND I am absolutely an open book!
It reads like a harlequin sometimes, lord help me find someone special and if not, please send me a decent lover once in awhile. (oops, my outside voice) It also ventures into self help, falling into psychology or self diagnosis and all the while exploring and pushing the limits of my imagination.
My curiosity gets me into trouble once in awhile (see above paragraph, first line). My excitement for where my story goes next could very well end in heartache or getting hit by a bus (not writing that in). Thing is.. we are all going to die anyway, just not of boredom.. please..
Speaking of death, and this brings me back to my decision give up my favorite place ‘in all of my life’. My time at the lake has come to an end … so many memories. My kids, my family, my mom.
I’m closing this chapter of my lake life, this summer. Pulling up stakes here does not come easy, early mornings on my deck .. sipping coffee, inhaling the morning dew. Does life get any better? The wild life, animals and humans.. are a constant entertainment, no need for TV or social media. (well my computer for blogging)
Leaving the lake is a big deal for me. I am sad and have mixed emotions, but.. it is time to start a brand new book. It’s time for me to explore new ground. It’s also time I write some new adventures, let my imagination lead me into what? Yes, it’s scary and I’m not going to lie, I hope I’m doing the right thing.
“This summer I wean myself off my security blanket.. and run naked into the night” how do you like that one? I think I’m going to put that on a plaque.. what do you think? I really like it.. dammit!
I need to quit sweating the stuff I can’t control and be mindful of what brings me joy. My kids bring me joy .. well when they roll their eyes at me, maybe not so much. My family is the spine of my book, binding together all these pages that I am so excitedly writing.
I have a plaque that says “you are the author of your life, so make it a good one.” Ed Sheeran has a song out that resonates with me. Watching the video of him and Andrea Bocelli sing..’Perfect Symphony’, fills me with such wonder and joy and beauty (please google it) and I know I am perfect just the way I am.. and so are you : )
I can hardly wait to start writing in my new book…