The best country in the world to live in.. sometimes. Those Nordic countries beat us out once in awhile, dang you Norway! We have the best neighbor in the world too.. well up until recently. Seems they have elected a special needs leader that is especially needy. He demands adoration and complete devotion, if he doesn’t get it he makes it up, gets rid of you or denigrates your very existence.
Never in the history of the White House have so many bodies fallen by the wayside, they failed the ‘blood brothers’ test I’m guessing (you know .. where you prick your finger and share each others blood, while swearing allegiance.. hmmm). I also have to mention here that the White House has had resident birds before but this orange ‘Tweety-Bird” spreading plague infused tweets non stop.. is particularly nasty.
O Canada.. we have a lot of patience, and that is a good thing, special needs requires this. Calling your neighbor names is so childish, unless we are doing it to our own. We happen to have a special place for this (no.. not that place) it is called the floor of the house of commons, we set aside time each day to ‘express our childish ways’.
I’m sorry about this next part I’m about to write.. but neighbor, we are not liking you much anymore. Why are you shoveling shit at us.. we are the worlds largest producer of fertilizer (potash), we don’t need your shit! Your special needs leader is so crude.. (he comes off as a crooked, lying, cheating, misogynist.. and a truly uneducated person) but I only just think this in my head, because I’m way too nice to say it out loud.
Ok.. now where was I? I like our country a lot, as do most of us. Sure we are desperate to leave it in the cold winter months, but “this too shall pass.” Well.. sometimes we curse the summers too, black flies, mosquitos and crappy weather. Discussing the weather is part of our heritage though, without it, our farmers especially, would be speechless…
When we are not discussing the weather we figured out how to make it fun,” lets go outside and bat a frozen cowpie around on a frozen pond, with a couple sticks” (and that’s how hockey was born). Dressing up like yard apes in frigid temps is always amusing. Inside fun (and lots of inside time) led us to invent basketball as well, but our southern neighbor laid claim to it and made it theirs. We don’t carry grudges though.. we are too nice.
O Canada.. the three Canadians that invented insulin, saved millions of lives and you’re welcome : ) Superman is our gift to everyone. Supporting women the world over, no thanks needed, is our wonder-bra! You can thank us next time you have a bright idea, though.. yes, the light bulb is a ‘Canadian’ invention.
I don’t know what a Robertson screw is and I’m not sure I’ll ever care enough to find out, but maybe its as exciting to men as that bra was to women? And what would we do with-out egg cartons, peanut butter, rotary plows the odometer and zippers? Well…?
Oh.. and you know that convertible floating around in space and orbiting the earth.. put there by a Canadian, no less.. thank you Elon Musk. Céline Dion, I love you so much. Justin.. who hasn’t had Bieber fever, well not me but my granddaughter suffers it. Why oh why couldn’t we have had Tom Selleck, be still my heart! I would trade Justin (the singing one..) for Tom any day, just sayin..
Our most precious treasure is our people.. we are the nicest polite-est and apologetic-est group of people you will ever want to meet. We keep a low profile and we like to get along with everyone. It was one of our very own prime ministers (Lester B. Pierson) that had a huge impact in founding NATO. We are now known mostly as a peace-keeping military presence.. and that’s how we like it.
O Canada .. we stand on guard for thee. We really do stand on guard.. threaten us and our prime minister, well its how wars are started. As part of the commonwealth, we sent our soldiers into two world wars right from the start. We didn’t wait until we were attacked to protect our freedoms from being taken from us.. just sayin.. google it. (I’m too polite to say the obvious)
O Canada.. our home and native land.. I will always stand up for us. The Americans no longer value us as a desirable neighbor and trading partner preferring to embrace North Korea and Russia instead.. really? I wonder how long that will last and will they will mock their money too?
I’m truly sorry that it has come to this. I take heart that there is a whole world out there that respects us .. and our money. I’m actually liking Mexico for my next winter get away.. and thinking of letting my AZ place go.
Ps.. Tom Selleck, if you are reading this, I have ‘a special place’ reserved for your shoes.. right under my bed.. just sayin..