You may want to sing the ‘grandma got run over by reindeer’ song when you finish reading this. I have decided to ‘come clean’ on all this Xmas spirit, shopping and BS .. and I don’t mean ‘before Santa’.. this may very well be an un-Santa like post.
This wasn’t always the case, I used to be Christmas! I even wrote a blog about it somewhere. Try as I might, and I try every Xmas, it just isn’t happening. The magic is gone and my desire to resuscitate it has also waned or maybe it died and I just didn’t notice.
Shopping the mall after a brunch out with friends last Sunday, I got a whiff of it. A cute little store with cozies from shawls to slippers to leggings to.. well everything needed to make us feel warm and fuzzy inside. Another store with a beautiful furry soft kitty cat that purred comforting words .. meowwww…
A luggage store with suitcases of every description size and colors and.. and.. WTH? I have so many suitcases already of every kind and color, hell I pretty much bought a new suitcase every holiday I went on.. hmmm. I was supposed to be shopping for the kids, but the kid in me got loose I guess.
There I was, wandering around aimlessly (which is always the best part) touching, picking up, feeling and eventually putting back everything I touched, picked up and felt. So yes.. Xmas is dead inside me, I may be richer moneywise, but my spirit feels so much poorer. My joy of Christmas probably died alongside my marriage, years ago.
How was I to know that would happen.. the marriage was dying, but not Xmas! It was always my time of year and I loved it all, kept it alive, on life support even.. in the last years. Saving it was impossible I suppose, life goes on and kids leave home and marry partners that also have divorced parents. Nothing is the same ever again.
I have grandchildren that have to divide their time between divorced and remarried sets of parents. Grandparents that are divorced and boyfriends parents and.. and.. they pretty much have no appetite for Xmas what so ever. Dividing all their time to visit everyone is near impossible.. whewww! Glad I am not them.
My daughter is good at making Christmas and she makes me so proud. It is her time to shine and maybe I passed that onto her? I worry sometimes that she puts too much expectations on it, but so did I and my spirit was joyous.
We can never go back to Christmases past except in a Dickens novel, but maybe I should have not have pressured myself to make Christmas magical. Concentrating less on the day and more on the spirit. I would like to bring back photo albums and home movies, lord knows I have boxes of them.
The thing is, will bringing back those memories, make it hurt more.. hmmm. Probably not, but I shouldn’t have waited until two days before Xmas to think of this! Dam.. ah well, there is always next Christmas, and if I put my mind to it? Maybe some joy will seep back into this precious holiday?
There are many out here that kind of dread Christmas, for various reasons. For most, Christmas once brought us such joy and now only bringing sadness for what once was. I know it can’t be the same but maybe it’s time for me to let go and work on new traditions.. I really like this home movie idea. Maybe this year I’ll start with the photos?
Or I could get run over by a reindeer and wouldn’t that be fitting?
“Nana got run over by a reindeer”.. her joy of Christmas got run over on the way,
Some of you believe that it was Santa..
but she knows that grampa scared that deer her way! (he always disliked Christmas)
HO HO HO
Merry Christmas to all and I really hope your Christmas is full of Joy