learning stuff is a journey.. pack lightly it could be a long trip

images (98)Being retired is just a stupid term for not working anymore and earning real money. The government pays you to be old but unfortunately it doesn’t pay me enough. My brain never did stop working anyway and there are so many things yet I want to do.

Getting my life in order is at the top of my list. Having decided I need some guidance with this I signed up for a ‘life class’ and now I have this questionnaire in front of me that I need to fill out.

Who knew that the hardest questions of all would be about myself? Name the people who were most influential in my life? What am I most proud of? The hardest question of all, what do I love about myself, well ok.. the five things I love about myself is really tough to answer..

There are things I know about myself that I don’t like and it would be easier to name those. We could all rattle off a couple things off the top of our heads I’m sure. At the top of my list is my forgetfulness and that scares the hell out of me. Being older my first thoughts are of Alzheimer’s and dementia, my biggest fear!

Dis-organized is also up there, but I have come to terms with that. There are people that will come in and organize your stuff and.. and they LOVE doing it! So if it gets really bad I will hire them, they earn some money and I will be ‘organized’ and contributing to  keeping the economy going..

Procrastination comes in at a close third, but being retired has its perks and I can always do it tomorrow. The thing about that though, is that a whole summer got away on me and now I am facing my own failure to follow through on a project started three years ago.. dam! … and that is why I am here in this class today!

untitled (59)The influential people in my life is a tough one, but as I sit here a name pops into my head. Bill Loran .. my grade seven and eight teacher. I adored him and even though I was repeating grade seven he made me feel like I was really smart.

That I passed that grade has nothing to do with me taking it twice, but everything to do with how he made me feel. My grades continued to climb as he guided me through grade eight as well.

In the end I didn’t even have to write final exams for that grade .. I recommended! My smarts did not come from him, they came from me believing in myself and striving to be better because of his influence and for that I am grateful. How many of us had influential teachers that had a hand in changing the course of our lives?

My parents were not role models, well maybe that’s not completely true. My mom taught me right from wrong and above all to be honest! I like to think that I am a good person, so mom.. thank you for that, it is really important to living a truthful life you can be proud of..

We can turn out to be a lot of things in this life, but staying true to the basics.. like don’t lie, cheat, steal or be mean to others.. will up your chances to be that person.

Writing about what I love about myself is really hard .. seriously! That I don’t hate myself should be sufficient don’t you think? I want to say I am a good mom, but.. well quite frankly, I really don’t know.

I do know that I did my best, and sure I have regrets and especially before I knew what PMS was. I really thought that I just might be a little crazy. Turning into a shrill witch with no patience every once in awhile, was not my proudest moments.

How many women are affected by this I wonder? That was probably one of those defining moments in my life. Hearing about this thing called ‘PMS’.. and eventually realizing I was not a crazy person after all, and ‘this too shall pass’ was such an enormous relief to me, and yes I am dead serious about that!

This brings me back to the start .. what five things do I love about myself ? The only thing I know for sure is that I love that I can write stuff down and make sense of what I need to know, does that count?

I wrote this over two years ago, and now feel I can answer those five things I love about myself.

1) I love myself for who I have become

2) I love my convictions and my sense of right and wrong

3) I love that I stand up and be counted for what I believe in.. that’s not always easy

4) I am a better person, and will always keep striving for this

5) I love that I’m not a quitter and even though I get scared sometimes, I will fight for justice when I see injustice.

Happy Thanksgiving to all that read this and I give you this challenge “what five things do you love about yourself?”