I am the captain of my ship.. but maybe its time to trade it in for a little sailboat?

My life ended up being  someone else’s, it surely didn’t start out that way. Insidiously and gradually it was put on hold. Waiting, always waiting for him to make the next move.. like in chess. Waiting and anticipating and then … reacting!images (51)

When you are not the captain of your own ship and have no say in what course it is taking, then you are just along for the ride. As in all voyages you have a destination.. but sometimes we are destined to part ways.

The trip unfolds in stages, picking up precious cargo along the way. Smooth sailing depends on how well you get along with the captain. I think if you have a great captain and he is interested in your well-being, then the ship will weather whatever it sails into..

Our ship endured mostly stormy seas, occasional hurricanes and.. lots of thunder.. our course was never smooth. Either I was a lousy first mate or he was an unhappy captain. Anyway you look at it.. that ship was doomed. Years of simmering mutiny played out in my head until I finally abandoned ship! Our precious cargo was set ashore many years earlier.images (52)

The captain was spared a murderous fate, and I blasted a hole in that dam ship before abandoning it. It just needed too much work.. my heart and my soul could not withstand not even one more squall. There was nothing left to salvage anyway. Future captains should take heed, a happy mate is a happy fate.. just sayin.

Being the captain of my own ship now, my voyage is a solo one. Learning to navigate alone after forty years is exciting but also a little scary. Who wants to sail with an ‘aging’ uncertain first mate turned captain? I believe fate has a way of stepping in and sending you the right people at the exact right times when you need them.images5P7YWECI

The person sent to me.. patiently guided me, never once raising his voice as he showed me the ropes. He restored my faith in not only myself but my abilities to navigate again .. always without anger. Alas, for me.. he had another course to chart.. maybe our ships will cross paths again, I hope so.

My luck with other first mates has been sketchy at best, none are fit for a voyage. A few were good for trial runs.. well ok, maybe just one. Others are only there for the ride, which is ok if you only want to go sightseeing or on day trips. Some like storms .. others have too much baggage or are just plain unseaworthy!

This ship doesn’t have any passengers anymore, although I am alone it’s ok because I have no stormy seas.. I don’t like storms. The upside is that I have no baggage to deal with either, only my most precious cargo, my family.

The ports of call on my new journeys have been amazing. I have an amicable co-pilot on some, she is my travel buddy and good friend. Learning to navigate my own ship has been exhilarating. I have also, I think, been consciously or unconsciously seeking a first mate. Do the big ships run better with passengers and crew and first mates.. I wonder?images2NLZJ3BV

This ship may be too big for me now, although I like being the captain, it really needs a first mate too.. it is time to change course and disembark this particular journey. A nice little sailboat is what I need, one that I can maneuver by myself! From now on only co-pilots that are interested in the same destinations as me..  will be allowed on my sailboat.

I can feel the wind in my sails already, what adventures lie ahead I wonder? Will I race across the waters or will I languish in the calm and enjoy the serenity? One thing is for sure.. I am here in the present and have set my sails! I am looking forward to this next journey!!thJO3YX2KV

Should I happen to pick up someone along the way, they will be very lucky indeed because now.. I am a great experienced sailor.. or so I have been told.

And Bon Voyage to me !