hoarding our love dollars

images3316vjcyA soulful lament by a man on a dating site, and how it sucked.. how tired he was of all the drama (he was still in the divorce throes) made me reach out to him. I agreed about it sucking to be on there. Who really wants to write up an advertisement, with our picture yet, extolling our virtues or for some, the obvious lack of.. and send it into a data base?

My married friends envy me my freedom and I envy them their having someone to lean on when life gets sucky. That’s not to say I wish my marriage back.. but maybe parts of it. You know the ones that I’m talking about, the parts that worked and didn’t make you wish you were dead.. or wish him dead!

Being sick recently brought back memories of looking after him, hmmm.. why is it that we don’t get that in return I wonder? There were good parts, like fixing stuff and keeping the yard and vehicles clean. There was also stuff that men do and we don’t ..hmmm I know if I meditate on it ..  it will come back to me…

The point I wanted to make when I reached out to this man (not because I was interested, although he was cute) was that it does get better, and yes the site sucked, but I thought that his optimism on being there was encouraging. How else are we going to meet new people anyway?

Then I started thinking about love, and a surprising thought occurred to me. Do I really want to do that again.. giving away my heart, my soul and my very being.. entrusting it to another man, once more? Lets face it, we women really do give of ourselves when we commit. It took me over 40 years, to finally give up! I left no stone unturned trying to save something that died years earlier.images (21)

I don’t know if I can survive.. if I  willingly give myself again and have it fail. Loving others is not a problem, in fact I have so much love in me it fairly flows out.. sometimes I need a stopper. Not everyone loves you back and some even use it to hurt you, that’s the part I don’t understand and I don’t think I ever will.

Living with your heart has its drawbacks and getting hurt is one of them. Experiencing a lot of hurt could be painful in itself but the joys I feel are worth every love dollar spent! We need more love in our lives not less. I’m not talking about the sleeping around kind .. although Tom Selleck is welcome here, anytime.

Love your friends.. tell them you love them. I am assuming you already tell your family “I love you” .. right? Send some love to a shut-in or better yet take them some chicken soup! I have been the recipient of such, just recently in fact! Believe me when I say it made me feel so warm and fuzzy, it was powerful.. and the soup was delicious too!

images6tvcpxzbNow where was I.. oh right love, such a freeing emotion once you decide to give. We needn’t be stingy with our love, if we really want to live and feel.. we need to give of ourselves. If we get hurt it is not a reflection on us but rather the person deflecting it.

We can choose to live our lives with love and such joy! Some don’t and could it be they envy our happiness and seek to lessen it somehow? I don’t know the answer to that, maybe all they want is for us to be like them.. ?

My question about loving again .. just answered itself.. that’s what happens when I write stuff down.. how about you?

Are you spending your love dollars or hoarding them to take them with you when you die…