Painting my granddaughters toenails brought me face to face with my mortality..

Painting my almost two years old, granddaughters toenails, we are practically nose to nose. Face to face, I gaze into her trusting big beautiful eyes and think to myself, wow.. when you are twenty I am going to be (let’s just say .. really old). I might not live long enough to see you grow up and get married and have a life or..  and it kinda hit me like a ton of bricks.

I have so much love for this little girl. I didn’t cry right then because I didn’t want to alarm her, but I have been weepy ever since. How did this happen and why right now, its not like I didn’t know our age difference. Is it because she is a baby yet and my other granddaughter is 21yrs already?

Will I have enough time to make an impression on her I wonder? I have so many stories to share, like if you don’t clean out your ears potatoes will grow in the dirt in them. My nana used to tell me that. She also told me about the sandman that comes every night and fills our eyes with sand (now that really doesn’t make sense) but is a prelude to sugarplum land with all the fairies and fairy dust.. hmmm

See, its true, I am forgetting the stories and the nursery rhymes.. there is a song about the ‘camptown races doo da .. doo da’, an English ditty no doubt. My nana was from England and to this day I love anyone with an English accent, I loved my nana soooo much. She passed away over 40 years ago and I still miss her.

It has been a week now and I am still weepy, its like I have PMS, anything sets me off. Maybe it is an age thing.. do we go through another change long after menopause? Well do we?? I am putting it out there, is it possible I wonder. It could be a lack of loving, I need more hugs I think.

I tried hugging everyone when I came into work each day (I am temporarily employed by my kids to help them over the Xmas season) but that was discouraged! “We keep work life separate from personal life” this from my older granddaughter. Maybe holding onto her for five minutes was a little much.. I dunno ..

I painted her toenails too, and her fingernails, and she worshipped me when she was younger. Not so much anymore I guess, she grew up, maybe that is why this newest grandchild is so precious. The need to fill her with all my nonsensical information while I’m here will keep me on my game.

We have become close this last little while, seeing her everyday is a bonus of my new/old job. These precious ones grow up so fast.. even faster than our real kids! You know, the ones we had to be so careful with, making sure we prepared them for the big cruel world! Discipline, eating properly, getting an education, no candy! Big responsibilities!

The grandchildren is our bonus for raising our own kids to be responsible adults. We get to enjoy the fruits of this labor, without the actual labor. No need to scold or banish them to their rooms, just love them and play with them and fill their heads with crazy funny stories.

I know what you’re thinking and yes, I still tell crazy funny stories. Don’t ever ask me how Twatna in Alberta got its name, Moose Jaw in Saskatchewan or Love, but everyone loves a love story. That is my favorite game to play on a road trip.. which usually takes longer than most. “Nana.. we are lost again aren’t we?” I can still hear my older granddaughters little voice from the back seat in the mini van, as she is watching littlest mermaid for the third time.

Yes I am weepy, not enough time I’m thinking. Why is the time we have left is speeding up, or is it my imagination? Is working again making me this way or am I going through a seniors menopause? I am craving sweets, this is true and I am thirsty a lot, but these are also signs of diabetes, which I am skirting around.

Wawwwww..  I never thought I would say this but I need more time dammit! I need to share my wisdom with this precious child and my humor, and, and.. I need her to remember me, like I remember my precious nana. She was so much fun and I loved her sooo much.

So I think I need to head off this seniors PMS with my own PMS solution.. Putting on My Shoes and starting a walking thing.. who is in? Can’t hurt .. right? hmmmmm ..na