O Canada.. my heartfelt love of U .. made me write this!

The best country in the world to live in.. sometimes. Those Nordic countries beat us out once in a while, dang you, Norway! We also have the best neighbor in the world, up until recently. It seems they have elected a leader with special needs who is especially needy. He demands adoration and complete devotion, and if he doesn’t get it, he makes it up, gets rid of you, or denigrates your very existence.

Never in the history of the White House have so many bodies fallen by the wayside, they failed the ‘blood brothers’ test, I’m guessing (you know .. where you prick your finger and share each other’s blood while swearing allegiance.. hmmm). I also have to mention here that the White House has had birds before, but this orange ‘Tweety-Bird” spreading plague-infused tweets nonstop.. is particularly nasty.

O Canada.. we have a lot of patience and that is a good thing, special needs require this. Calling your neighbor names is so childish unless we are doing it to our own. We have a special place reserved for this (no.. not that place), it’s called the floor of the House of Commons, and we set aside time each day to ‘express our childish ways’.

I’m sorry about this next part I’m about to write, but dear neighbor, we’re not liking you much anymore. Why are you shoveling shit at us? We are the world’s largest producer of fertilizer (potash), and we don’t need yours.

Your special needs leader is so crude.. (he comes off as a crooked, lying, cheating, misogynist.. and a truly uneducated person) but I only think this in my head, because I’m way too nice to say it out loud.

Ok.. now where was I? I like our country a lot, as do most of us. Sure, we are desperate to leave it in the cold winter months, but “this too shall pass.” Well, sometimes we curse the summers too, black flies, mosquitos, and crappy weather. Discussing the weather is part of our national heritage; without it, we, and our farmers especially, would have nothing to talk about.

When we were not discussing the weather, we figured out how to make it fun:” let’s go outside and bat a frozen cowpie around on a frozen pond, with a couple of sticks” (and that’s how hockey was born). Dressing up like yard apes in frigid temps is always amusing.  Inside fun (and lots of inside time) led us to invent basketball as well, but our southern neighbor laid claim to it and made it theirs. We don’t carry grudges, though we are too nice.

O Canada.. the three Canadians who invented insulin, saved millions of lives, and it continues to do so. They also decided to give it away for free, and you’re welcome 🙂 Superman is our gift to everyone. Supporting women the world over, no thanks needed, is our Wonder-Bra. You can thank us next time you have a bright idea, though, and yes, the light bulb is a ‘Canadian’ invention.

I don’t know what a Robertson screw is and I’m not sure I’ll ever care enough to find out, but maybe it’s as exciting to men as that bra was to women? And what would we do without egg cartons, peanut butter, rotary plows, the odometer, and zippers? Well…?

Céline Dion, I love you so much. Justin.. who hasn’t had Bieber fever, well, not me, but my granddaughter did. Why, oh why couldn’t we have had Tom Selleck? Be still, my heart. I would trade Justin, the singing one, for Tom any day, just saying…

Our most precious treasure is our people. We are the nicest, politest, and apologetic-est group of people you will ever want to meet. We keep a low profile, and we like to get along with everyone.

It was one of our very own prime ministers, Lester B. Pierson, who had a huge impact on founding NATO. We are now known mostly as a peace-keeping military presence, and that’s how we like it.

O Canada, we stand on guard for thee. We do stand on guard, threaten us and our country, well, it’s how wars are started. We are part of the commonwealth, and we sent our soldiers into two world wars right from the start. We didn’t wait until we were attacked to protect our freedoms from being taken from us, just saying.. Google it. (I’m too polite to say the obvious)

O Canada, our home and native land, I will always stand up for us. The Americans no longer value us as a desirable neighbor and trading partner, preferring to embrace North Korea and Russia instead. I wonder how long that will last, and will they mock their money too?

I’m truly sorry that it has come to this. I take heart that there is a whole world out there that respects us and our money. I like Mexico for my next winter getaway, and I’m thinking of letting my AZ place go.

Ps.. Tom Selleck, if you are reading this, I have a special place reserved for your shoes, right under my bed. Just saying..

copyright

June 18th 2018