you first must travel the road through hell to get to paradise… Vegas to Arizona

This is not a pretty story but one that needs to be written yet again.

The voice from above was strangely calm “if you don’t live through this, at least you died trying”  I frantically hit my phone once again for Siri to step up, she keeps taking time outs and I’m more than a little pissed.

It all started out with me re-assuring myself  “you got this, no problem.”

I was approaching the Las Vegas freeway system from hell. Being a senior citizen has no bearing on this because I’ve been driving this route since my fifties. Needless to say.. there is a whole population of us seniors driving south in the winters to our nirvana in Arizona. Nirvana is snow-less hence the migration.

It’s Sunday and I’ve allowed myself a false sense of security. I can do this and the traffic is light. Everything is going smoothly until I need to take exit 44, hmmm last time I was through here it was exit 42A which was out of sequence from 42B. You are probably wondering how I even remember that?  Please know this, when you take your life into your hands traveling through Vegas, that particular exit, for old people going south, will be burned into your memory banks forever.

The most exciting part is that they keep changing it. See.. they know it’s not right and there should be a better way. Well, there isn’t, and when pigs fly maybe they will figure it out. Speaking of flying, I did that twice but obviously missed the adrenaline rush driving through hell, then living to write about it. Yes.. it is a worthy tale to tell, if you are reading this, know that I survived once more. The last time I wrote about this experience the exit took me into a one-lane metal chute I likened to a waterslide feel, it was narrow and it was really narrow. This chute spits me out into the middle of six or seven lanes of speeding traffic and yes.. I saw my life pass before me. I wish I was kidding but I’m not. I dubbed it ‘the chute from hell.’

Here I am once again, now looking for exit 44; I find it and carefully make my exit. Siri, I didn’t have her for the ‘chute from hell’ tells me to go straight onto Ave. D then turn onto Washington Ave. but I am already in a turning lane with four lanes across. Omg, my heart is starting to race big time.  Siri decided to take a break when I turned left and there is a set of traffic lights and I’m so confused and sweating profusely. I cross the lights into a metal corral of sorts, that’s the only way I know how to describe it, construction is everywhere and I’m following the white car ahead of me as it maneuvers around these metal corral posts, while others turn left and I have no idea where the cars to my right went.

I do know I’m in downtown Vegas now and holy crap, all around me on the streets are homeless people. I roll up my window turn on the air and auto-lock all my doors. I may be single but I’m not desperate .. yet. I jab at Siri and she comes to life like nothing is amiss and calmly states to go 200 meters (she’s Canadian like me) then turn left onto Obert or some godforsaken name I actually forgot and then keep to the right and make a right-hand turn onto Stewart, Siri goes mute again.

I’m definitely getting too old for this shit and when I die I’m coming back in another life as an engineer. Building a road into the sky over Las Vegas, will be my mission. It will be designated as the road to the promised land, for seniors only all others take the regular route.

I’m at my wit’s end when the voice from above calmly makes the prediction from the beginning of this post. I have a second to think about that as I jab Siri one last time in the face! She calmly comes to life stating “stay to the right on Stewart, then make a right turn at the next exit to 93 south!” and yes I heard angels singing in the background, I swear!

How many of you can relate to this I wonder? The promised land is via 93 south BUT only if you make it off of I-15 through the Las Vegas highways of hell, Nevada, which is kinda ironic right? Being a snowbird is not for the faint of heart if you are driving, we have certainly earned our wings and our right to Nirvana.

the end

copyright November 22nd, 2021

#mythirdlifeblog #lmbl


previous blog five years earlier about this same freeway from hell to laughing Nevada (on my way south) all the way (on my way home, north)