RAPE.. SEXUAL HARASSMENT and shame.. my story

This has been buried deep inside me for over 40 years.. why is it surfacing now I wonder? It could have something to do with all of the Trump allegations. I thought we were turning a corner with abuse and sexual harassment on women.. apparently not.

It is going to be hard for me to write this because my family has no idea. My thoughts back then were that I brought it on myself, because I was so stupid! The time has come for me to let this go, we need to stand up and be un-ashamed of what men do to us!

Visiting my dad and stepmom in Calgary, I ended up in a bar with my dad (he was a bartender back then). We were at a huge table with a mixed group of people, older and younger. My dad had a lot of friends and everyone knew his name. We were drinking, laughing, joking and really enjoying the evening.

My dad wanted to leave early, so he entrusted me to his friends to get me home. A party was in the making and one of the guys offered to drive me there, in his car. He had been sitting across from me and he seemed nice enough. I had enough drinks in me and I also liked to party.. I’m not going to lie.

This man drove us straight to a deserted freeway and then pulled over to the side. I asked what he was doing, and he calmly told me we were going to have sex. I didn’t question him or joke with him or whatever.. all my senses went into high alert and I asked him what made him think that?

His answer still sends chills down my spine.. he looked directly into my eyes and stated in a calm voice “because I am bigger than you and stronger than you and if you resist me I have a knife under my seat!”

I knew absolutely in that moment that this was not going to end well for me. To say I was scared is putting it mildly I was terrified! Self preservation kicked in, I let him kiss me while my brain was frantically searching for a way out.. a plan began to develop.

This deserted freeway was well lit up, but not a freaking sign of traffic anywhere! In the distance I could see a housing division. I calmly suggested that could we at least get off this freeway, a back lane somewhere where we could have more privacy.. I would be more comfortable and accommodating without the glare from the freeway lights.

He said “sure why not, but first give me your purse and take off your boots and your panties and your panty hose as a gesture of good faith.” He put my clothing in the glove compartment and put my purse out of reach as well. I was wearing a dress and my winter coat.. this was winter after all, complete with snow and ice and all that.

While writing this down, the fear and desperation I felt that night comes flooding back into me like it was just yesterday. I have bottled this up for so long and now I let my tears have free reign, it is time to let this out and let it go… ok..

On the outside I show a nonchalant attitude and smile at him.. on the inside my heart was pounding so hard, I was scared to death. I know I only have one chance to save myself.. please god give me strength.

We enter the subdivision and as he slows to turn down an alley. I see my chance and open the car door and jump out in my bare feet.. I take off the fastest I have ever run in my life. I ran up the front cement steps of the first house I come across and I am screaming and ringing the doorbell and pounding on the door as if my life depended on it.

I hear him open his door and curse me, then a slam and the screech of tires as he takes off down the alley. I keep banging on the door, pleading for them to open up and please let me in. They are scared and tell me through the closed door that they have called the police and they should be here shortly.

My fear is that he is going to come back for me.. the people in the house think I am a crazy person. I eventually sit down on the cold cement steps and I am sobbing, what if he comes back.. please, please, please let the police be here quick!

The police show up, two detectives escort me into their car and I am so relieved, I can’t stop blubering. At the police station they ask a lot of questions and want to know if I seen the knife? I told them no.. but there is no  doubt at all in my mind about the knife.

Did I feel up to looking at some pictures .. mug shots.. I said sure, I will never forget that face! I picked him out right away, turns out he had a long history of sexual offences. The detectives said I was lucky and praised my quick thinking and my brave actions. I want to tell you this .. I didn’t feel brave, I just felt so scared and ashamed.

Long story short is that the detectives took me back to my dads, thank goodness they were sleeping. They were also away the next day when the same detectives brought me back my purse, boots and pantyhose. They got my stuff back from the mans lawyer, who told them I had left it in his clients car, no big deal, the guy denied everything.

I didn’t tell my dad, I didn’t tell my mom, I didn’t tell anybody.. but down at that police station in Calgary they were alerted to yet another episode of this sexual predator!! I was too ashamed and scared to press charges, I would have had to fly back to testify.

That I was not raped and hurt.. was ‘but for the grace of God’.. but why did I need to keep it a secret?

Not anymore.. we need to educate our men and our sons to respect women. We need to press charges when we have been abused. We also need to get rid of this self imposed shame .. what is there to be ashamed of?

We are mothers, sisters, daughters, wives, grandmothers, and girlfriends! When you disrespect any female you are disrespecting all of us. Do you rape men.. beat up your guy friends and molest your buddies? Why do you do that to us?

This is to ALL YOU MEN OUT THERE that abuse and sexually molest and harass women and children, with words or deeds.

SHAME ON YOU! .. SHAME ON YOU! .. SHAME ON YOU!

and this is to all of you who know someone that does this, and look the other way..

SHAME ON YOU TOO!!

 

my follow up to this, the next day.. in response to all the personal messages I received www.my-thirdlife.com/forgive me my Sunday rant.