Maybe we should rethink what it is we really want.. adjust it so we can stay in our comfort zone, no one moves no one gets hurt. It can be painful reaching for excellence when you are happy in mediocre. A sustained happy.. but joyful is what I was aiming for when I got derailed. Do I really need the pain?
How many of us have dreams and aspirations that seemed so reachable but somehow we got lost along the way? Real life distractions can detour our dreams, like drinking too much or partying all the time.
Drugs or gambling, can be scapegoats and fill ins from realizing our true potential, even laziness? The majority I think, are just too busy working, living and raising kids and are too exhausted to reach for anything, other than a good nights sleep!
Sometimes exhaustion comes from doing nothing, that has its own pitfalls and depression comes to mind. Whatever the derailment is .. getting back on track is it’s own journey. I have been on this path for awhile now and decided to seek out some help.
I want to have a bright shiny star named after me, I want to have a famous quote attributed to my name.. an essence of myself left somewhere to acknowledge that “I lived!” That the star will fall to earth and become a stone and someone will come along and write my quote on it.. I’m ok with that too.
We can be brave and we can be our own army of one, but I don’t want to be mediocre, dammit.. is that so bad? Now don’t misinterpret all this as me being unhappy, quite the opposite in fact. I am grateful for every day and for how my life has turned out.
I am taking a wonderful life class celebrating, encouraging and steering women into being the best they can be. Now if you think from reading my blogs that I already have it all, well you may be right. Maybe someone needs to take all this away from me and then what?
Well if that ever happened I would have to live with one of my kids .. it will be a short life for sure, I’ll leave that for you to figure out. (they say, I will be my own bright star in a nursing home.. I say, where is that rock?)
An email this morning from a friend inquired about my class and being ‘happy’ and I want to share my response to it with you. One of my reasons I write my blog, is that someone out there maybe going through some of the same things I am, and will not feel so alone.
It sucks to be alone sometimes, writing and sharing brings me joy. We need to share our struggles, our hopes and our dreams, as well as our successes.. for others who are seeking as well.
Now where was I..? Oh right, the email was from my friend about my being happy.. this person was one of five to answer a few questions (part of our class assignments) about me.
This class is not about my happy .. I am mostly content with myself. I just needed something to get me back on track with my inventions, that is my prime directive. I was losing faith in my abilities to bring this home.
Thanks to this class, that is all changing. How can I ever move forward onto other stuff I want to do, if I don’t finish what I set out to do a few short years ago… ?
This has been my focus .. that all five wrote back and believe totally in my abilities was actually quite overwhelming! It was humbling and at the same time has restored my faith .. guess I needed it.
This is my story, why do I always want to tell stories I wonder?
My wings.. my beautiful wings, as I aged they became like my keys, but how the heck could I actually lose my wings? Well, being earth-bound, I started walking again. The path I have been following was getting overgrown with weeds and thistles. I was resigned to maybe slugging through this shit and, maybe just maybe, I am getting too old to fly again anyway.
I may just check out the other paths, they have to be easier than this, I am obviously on the one less travelled. Something catches my eye in an overgrown thicket! It is my WINGS ! It was not easy freeing them from that dam tangled mess of thistles, I am left with bruises and I’m bleeding somewhat, but .. I have my beautiful wings back !!