Planes Trains and Automobiles, well ok….. just planes!

Here we are in Newark, New Jersey, coming back from our three back-to-back cruises. Changing planes from our fight from Florida is not going well, but if excitement and snafus never happened during our travels, my writing would be pretty boring. The announcement is.. we have a plane but no pilot. This gets even more interesting when they announce they had a pilot but need to replace him.

So now we speculate.. was he in the lounge and consumed to much alcohol, or was he falling asleep on the last flight and needs to have a nap? Did he have a fight with his wife and now has Air-rage (new term…lol).

We aren’t sure what this all means but I turn to Sharon and say this is something we’ve never done before, you in? We discuss this and agree getting high on alcohol or our meds is the only solo flying we’re doing.

I would have had that pilot running to his wifes side because she was giving birth in a cab in New York City! I would love to be an announcer at that airport, I would invent all sorts of scenarios, at least keep the waiting masses entertained.

So while I am wondering how they get another pilot here on short notice, another announcement comes. Seems we don’t have that plane anymore, we’re changing planes as well… and no I am not making this up. They have found a pilot but now they have to find a plane that he can fly.. ok so I made that part up! What the hell, now we need to change gates too.

But wait, there is more! Seems like there is another plane in that gate that will be taking off in ten minutes then we will be towing your plane into that gate (lies, lies and more lies, try one hour)! Have I mentioned anywhere how much I hate flying? It is a means to an end.. my lust for travelling overpowers my fear of flying.

I just try to make myself small (I know lol) and I don’t chat (ya.. hard to believe) I don’t eat, drink or shop. Planes now have a whole catalogues of stuff you can purchase ‘duty free’ really? Since when did flying turn into a shopping experience?

I wonder do they have any jewelry, and where is all this stuff? Is there a cargo hold filled with merchandise and THAT IS THE REASON we need to pay for ALL OUR CHECKED BAGS NOW ????

So, ok that was just a fleeting thought and buying any kind of food and drink on a plane requires a credit card that is not maxed out, and I am unsure of mine.

My goal on any flight anywhere.. IS TO NOT USE that stinky, dirty bathroom that Mister T just used.. ugh! I stay in my seat and hope I don’t get one of those embolisms in my legs from not getting up and stretching.. so I wiggle my toes a lot, and I have avoided that fate so far.

Two hours late and we are finally ready. I should mention here about that extra bag I had to buy, because I have no willpower when it comes to shopping. I have been dragging it around hoping no one weighs it. Well.. we get to check it free, Sharons too, guess they have no room in overhead, what a treat to get rid of those.

All goes well and the flight is excruciatingly long (as they all are when I am flying) but uneventful. Everyone rushes to get off the plane and scurry past us two old gals only to stand in line at customs. I didn’t use the disgusting bathroom but it is my first stop off the plane!

This is where those two old gals stalking us and wearing our clothes take over and breeze through customs with just a few gifts for the grandkids.. lol. Hmmmmm those two old gals are sure wearing a lot of jewelry…

So now we are waiting for our luggage, we flew AFC which is partners with United Airlines and they have adopted AFC’s slogan “we’re not happy.. until you’re not happy !” . We wait a good half hour for our luggage and when it finally shoots out Sharon and I are so happy ours are the first bags, our big ones, (that we had to repack at check in to rebalance weights so we are at an even 50bs each, I add more stuff to my carry-on and Sharon lets me use her extra 4lbs and we manage).

Well luggage just quits (we are still awaiting our carry-ons).. nothing, half the people are still here and waiting as well. We wait another half hour, it is going in to an hour now and still no luggage .

Meanwhile a flight from Chicago has arrived, been through customs,AND they have their luggage and are gone!!! Did they quit with ours and go unload that plane???

We start pacing, Sharon and I are not so happy anymore with the carry-ons that we checked. I go in search of answers and there is this tall chick in capris and heels that is all but shouting (with a mans voice) at the United Airline services desk that they need to call a manager in to do something !!!

I am so glad he/she is the voice for all of us. They make an announcement about ground crew change in shifts,like since when do you only unload half a plane and then go home? ah man, what is this country coming to anyway? Is this a union thing or a political thing or what? We get the rest of our luggage exactly an hour and a half later wow! I don’t know if we will be so quick to check the carry-ons again!

Next day flight home I am two hours early to check in and am put on standby.. I booked AFC over six weeks ago ya I know.. I am assured that I will be flying but they put a big yellow sticker baggage tag that says STANDBY in big bold letters,on my suitcase , and I keep my carry-on with me.

I am too tired to cause a scene and sit quietly at the gate where I am not assigned a seat, while I watch them call up random people as they arrive (I was the first person to arrive for this flight). To make a long story short they call last call for the flight, and after buying off a couple that I can see, they call me and give me a boarding pass….whew…. out onto the tarmac to find out they are outta parachutes, but I board this little turbo prop plane anyway and we are outta here!!!!!!

amen I say onto you, I hate flying and I vow NEVER to fly AFC again EVER !!!! (for those of you that don’t recognize the airlines initials it is Air ‘f####ing’ Canada)insert a sad, not smiley face here.

THE END

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