Parenting .. the most heartrendering job in the whole world.. bar none!

Parenting.. the most heart-rendering job in the whole world.. bar none.

What shapes us.. what is it that defines us? What kind of person are we today or what kind of person do we hope to be? Are we happy or are we waiting for all the stars to align before we celebrate our life? Maybe we are working on being happy at a future date or are we consciously doing a happy dance right now?

Specifically, do you have joy in your life or is it on a date with someone else? Happiness is something we all need a little of once in a while to keep us going forward. My thoughts are to have someone or something that contributes to that.  My own happiness is intertwined with my kids, it has always been that way. A divorce does not change that, it is only a re-adjustment for us all.

The people in our lives shape the person we are. Although the divorce was painful, the marriage helped shape me too. That it didn’t work out and we didn’t live happily ever after.. well just look at what we have. Our children are my reason for being here and we helped each other raise two smart, intelligent, and caring human beings and received a bonus of two more bright and shiny stars.. to boot.

Being a parent is the toughest ongoing job we will ever tackle in our life and we can only hope to do no harm. Do we wish we could do some things differently if we had a second chance? Well, I can only speak for myself but..  hell yes, of course, but not at my kid’s expense.

We are aware when our kids are struggling with something and we can’t make it better. As parents, we just know and we feel their pain (unbeknownst to them).

In my heart, I am so proud of how my kids turned out and it was a joint effort. (ok.. so I do brag once in a while to my friends) I  also know that he loves them as much as I do, and that is something we will always be together on.

As parents of adult children and grandkids, it is a learning process that continues. There is no blueprint or class we can take and we can’t even google it. We will only be reading someone else opinions based on their experiences.

Here is another train of thought. I know kids sometimes disappoint their parents and that happens, through drugs or alcohol, bad decisions, or just poor judgment. Here’s another thought, do we disappoint our kids? I do all the time. I just can’t seem to get it right, and I sometimes wonder if I will ever get it right.

My daughter unfriended me on Facebook even, if you are laughing at this it is because you have never been unfriended. Well ok.. maybe it is funny now but when my granddaughter did it, that really hurt.

We as parents often do things that our kids don’t like and they never tell us because we are the parents. Hello.. we are not mind-readers. We hurt their feelings a lot, I think. Our feelings don’t count because.. well they just don’t.

I sometimes even despair that I will ever get it right. I wanted to be the best parent ever but have settled for my kids not hating me, well.. hopefully not for long periods. My granddaughter and my daughter eventually re-instated me on Facebook. I pretended I didn’t care but, but.. damn rights, I cared a lot.

I can only stay out of their way while they make their own lives, but that doesn’t seem to work either. We are forever intertwined with that invisible umbilical cord. Besides, I desperately want nothing more than to be a part of their lives, in a good way and not a burden, and that scares the hell out of me. I never want to be a burden to anyone.. esp. my kids.

Nothing shapes our lives more than being a parent.. once you have children you are changed forever. My goal was to shape my children into thoughtful, caring human beings, and do no harm. I love my kids more than myself and only parents can understand that statement.

So I guess to sum it up… I have not really learned anything, have you? Does anyone have the secret formula to being a great parent? The only advice I am comfortable enough to give is this.. stay away from friending your kids on Facebook, that piece of advice could save you some grief, just saying.

Ps I do have a measure of joy in my personal life now, I feel very fortunate. Parenthood is still something I am striving to improve upon, maybe.. just maybe I will get it right with the grandkids?

copyright April 2015