I’m now older than my mom

I’m Now Older than My Mom.

I’m now older than my mom when she left this world. This is a lot to absorb for me. Where has the time disappeared and what have I done to make a difference? I guess that’s the hardest for me to digest. The world is not so safe anymore and I worry for my kids.

That I can’t do anything about this makes me crazy sometimes and that is the hardest pill to swallow. My dad fought in a war for our freedoms, he voluntarily went into a godawful war that I think scarred him for life. At least he could look inside himself and hopefully be proud of his contribution.

This is where I come up short. My mom raised seven of us and she had her hands full. I credit her for giving me the strength to survive whatever comes along in my life and to be a good person.  I hope I also passed that along to my kids. Being a mom is the hardest job and sometimes I sucked at it.  Being a Mom also happens to be the greatest joy in my old age.

I honestly don’t know how my life could even count without my kids. Does that make any sense I wonder? What did we even do, or think or whatever, before these precious humans came into it?  All of this comes home to roost when we become old and realize we should have spent more time with them.

Hindsight eh? Well, it’s true but there’s nothing I can do to change that.  As parents, we forge ahead and do our best because we are still learning and boy do we have a lot to learn. This is not to say we were stupid, actually quite the opposite, we figured we knew it all… right? That is probably the funniest part of this.

I have learned to let go and flush stuff and not let my feelings get hurt so much. It’s not easy, but raising kids was not easy either, and trying to make a life and keep everyone happy… wow.  In the end and the kids were gone, I had to make an even harder decision. I left my marriage behind and set out to make a life for me.

Maybe that is my greatest achievement, other than my kids. It’s hard to comprehend that I have surpassed my mom’s age and think I haven’t accomplished anything yet. My feelings and love for my kids make me feel warm and fuzzy inside. I feel good about making my own life and where I am right now. So what more do I want?

Maybe that is my answer… I still want to do something, and even if I can’t put my finger on what it is, that’s okay too. I’m still a work in progress and the fun part is, I’m open to whatever comes my way. Having a few irons in the fire is good, I tend to get bored otherwise.

I think my nana and my mom would be proud of me, but my baba not so much (I never paid enough attention to making those darn pedaheh.. more commonly known as perogies). My nana lives on in me as does my mom. I keep them alive in my private thoughts and the memories that randomly appear.

My mom may be gone but she lives on through me and surprise, surprise, I am more than happy about this. Are you reading this Mom? It took a while, but I had to age to appreciate my life and your role in it. Maybe in the end it’s all about age and how we cope with it.

So here it is on the page, I’m older, wiser, not rich but not homeless either. My kids are my greatest joy, I’m still hoping to accomplish something meaningful, maybe my book will give me that. I have a new love in my life which is another surprise turnabout.

So this is for you Mom, Nana, and even you Baba, I live on through you and think you three may even be somewhat proud of me. Btw, I can make cabbage rolls or holubtsi, Baba. Mom, I am becoming somewhat of a writer and love it. Nana, we visit in my dreams always, your nighttime stories and songs live on in me.

and what more could I ask for… my life is still a work in progress…

copyright

May 27th 2024

www.my-thirdlife.com