Anxiety, sleepness nights, hating yourself, not happy with how your life is playing out? Maybe this blog will help you as I try to find some answers as well.
My writer friends from out east, critiqued a piece I wrote and read for them and I appreciated the feedback I received. An email from one of them made me stop and think about what it is I’m trying to say, convey or beat you over the head with. “I love the way you think, and how you call a spade a sledge hammer” is what he wrote.
Some of the others in the group thought I should get rid of two ‘F’ words I used and some didn’t. If you read my blogs you know I very seldom, if ever, use that word. I am uncomfortable with it in my writing. In my daily life however, this is a word that can come easily to my lips on occasion, to drive home a point.
This writers group gives me inspiration as I strive to be a better writer. My grammar and punctuation needs work and my spelling is sometimes off. As I age my brain forgets how to spell and then I can’t remember the word I want to use, and that drives me batshit crazy! We have one fellow that’s sends out ‘nit picks’ to the writers presenting (we send a word doc of our piece in advance to everyone) in a private email, correcting our mistakes. He also gives us tips to lose some words or to restructure sentences. Did you know that an exclamation mark should only be used once or twice in 100,000 words? Me neither! Capitalize god (God) and just nit picky things he would not bring up at the reading, but wanted to share with me. I like that he cares enough to ‘show me the way’ and I have changed my pieces to reflect some of what he says. But not all!!
We need to express ourselves freely, dammit (sorry/not sorry), in our personal lives and in our work, with our partners and with our kids. Grandchildren are the exception and we only need love them and spoil them. In all other aspects of our lives, communication is key. I have one rule that I strive to abide by, and that is, we need not be intentionally mean with our words or our actions. Respecting others is just a given, racism, slang words for ethnicity and disparaging remarks are not alright. There is only one exception to my rule and it applies to the leader elected in the country south of us. Lord save us from disaster if he is re-elected, which is doubtful at this time, but nothing is a given.
I sleep well and didn’t realize that lots of people don’t. Thinking about this, and what my writer friend said in his email, made me realize that I don’t hold back much. I can sleep easy at night knowing I am living my life my way and knowing I have done my best to speak out. I use my blog as a platform to figure stuff out, make observations and share what I have learned or mistakes I have made. We are all human and have so many insecurities. I have insecurities, my kids say they are going to put me in a home when I get old and decrepit. My only hope is that they have some cute old guys in there as well, that still like to play house. See.. I just blurt it out and it feels good! I suppose I could worry about it and actually I have, not about the old folks home though.
I have worried about getting really old and then I think about my two sisters and a brother all younger than me, they didn’t get to live to be old. A portion of my sister Robins ashes, sits in a jar on my desk, in a clear small sealer jar that would hold jam or such, she would laugh if she seen it. It says in black marker My sister Robin. I love it and I love her, she accepted everything life threw at her and would just sigh and say “oh well” she is my hero. I look at it often enough and it brings a smile to my face and my heart. Nothing in our lives is as insurmountable as death, I think we should all remember that via a loved one that is no longer with us.
We are here for a short time, but most of us live like we have all the time in the world.. we don’t. Find something to do that you love or even just like. Many of us are learning to cook, and its about time I think. Baking is even better and if you are my friend, know that I love fresh baking .. lol. I don’t know the ages of most of you reading this, but even if you are young.. speak up! Make yourself heard, everyone is so afraid of what people will think of them if they speak their truth. Don’t wait until you are old like me, speak up now, no one is going to think less of you for this. If you can’t speak out about something you care about or are worried about, then write it down, I promise you it will help. It may also define what you are really worried about and may even lead to an answer to what you are seeking. This happens all the time in my blogs.. try it.
Lastly, don’t hold in your love. I know you love your kids and your friends or someone, I love Miguel (my guide in Portugal last year) and Tom Selleck, so ok.. we needn’t express our secret loves. I do it all the time though, people think I’m old and they dismiss me as being senile. Speak to your loved ones .. say “I love you” when bidding goodbye, in person, on the phone or even in a text. Give a hug, even if it feels uncomfortable, it will eventually feel good, you will feel better, less anxious and sleep better too.
What I really want to share here is for you to let go and be yourself. We all express ourselves differently, there is no right way or wrong way. Do it now, do it today, please don’t wait for tomorrow.. write something down even. Be brave and be daring, above all don’t be afraid to blurt stuff out!! Use as many exclamation marks as you want, no one is going to call the punctuation police.
I don’t know all of you, but please know I love you all because you read my blog, and that is ok in my books.. now go forth and call a spade a sledge hammer!
Do it today.. I dare you.
thank you Bill