grateful dead

The grateful dead, good name for a seventies band, I think I’ll use it in my blog this morning. I will be dead eventually, hopefully not too soon, I have yet to meet my soul mate. I haven’t given up BUT I am close to it. Its been quite a few years now since pulling the plug on a dead forty year marriage and I’m very grateful about that, as I’m sure the ex is as well.

A chance encounter, turning into a part-time lover, restored my faith in men and love. I am totally grateful he came into my life, because I know now how a loving relationship should feel. He is long gone but.. “tis better to have and loved and lost than to never have loved at all” great quote, thank you Tennyson.

I am grateful yes, and not dead yet, there’s not a day goes by that I don’t appreciate how lucky I am. There but for the grace of god go I.. and that goes through my head whenever I see my ex and his girlfriend, sorry/not sorry. I have a lot to be thankful for. My writing has expressed this I think, but maybe what hasn’t come across, is the hard work and dedication that’s gotten me to where I am today. Stuff doesn’t just come to those that want.. serious shit and learning stuff, usually the hard way, needs to take place.

Everything I have today, I worked, sweated and put my heart and my dreams into making it so. Coming from a broken home, my mom leaving my dad when I turned twelve, with six kids in tow and living on welfare, was just one challenge. Being the oldest was ok, I guess, but a lot of work. I ran away from home at age 14 and lived with relatives. I made my way back to my mom a couple years later, which sent me in search for my errant dad at age 16, I moved to another province even! Making mistakes along the way was how I figured out right from wrong, good from bad and well.. you get the picture. I never did finish school although my facebook page has me attending the U of S for a time. So ok .. there was those two classes I took once.

Truth is I never finished grade ten, I was in search of something, but I never could put my finger on what that something was. Moving to the coast to be with my dad and finish grade ten was a mistake. There was really no one in my life that could take my hand and guide me or give me direction. Mom had too many kids, the relatives helped but were so constrictive it was only a matter of time before I ran from them as well. The only thing I knew for sure back then, was sex was a mortal sin.. my strict Catholic upbringing! Purgatory was always a mystery to me, and lord help me if they ever opened up my chest, everyone would see all those huge black sins on my heart.. I wish I was kidding here, but I’m not.

Being pretty naïve about life, it was fortunate that I didn’t end up pregnant.. the only thing holding me back from that, was that mortal sin! Not having a clue about how babies were made also helped and yes I am serious here as well. Unlike today, we didn’t have social media and we sure couldn’t google our questions about sex. It was a gentler, kinder era.. no drugs, although alcohol was certainly prevalent, I really didn’t like the taste of beer. Cigarettes took getting used too as well, and a pack would last me forever. I loved kissing and hugging and the closeness that comes with that. Keeping my legs closed was not hard.. it was for the guys, sorry/not sorry,  but that was not my problem. Eventually that did happen but all I have to say here is WTF was that???????????? seriously.. I never did that again! well it would be much later on for sure..

Skipping forward now.. I took a hairdressing course at age 21, my grampa helped finance me. A waitress job in the evenings when school was out helped me pay for a roof over my head. Everyone says get a job, I want to say here, get a job you love, if you can. I loved doing hair and after finishing hairdressing school I went on to get married, and I started my very own hair salon! Later I went on to open three more after that. This wasn’t the end of my journey by a long shot.. a bankruptcy brought on by the ex starting his own business, ended that life. My second life was the continuing on of my entrepreneurial journey which still stretches out in front of me today.. I could write a book about all my failures and successes and tears and.. and.. (in fact I am writing a book) but I NEVER gave up! EVER..  and I am truly grateful for that.

I am single and into My Third Life.. starting yet another career in writing hopefully. I am as old as that band and I am grateful but not dead yet.

If you have a dream, I encourage you to step out of your comfort zone, nothing exciting ever happens in there anyway.. just sayin..