grateful dead

The Grateful Dead

The grateful dead is a good name for that seventies band, I think I’ll use it in my blog today. I will be dead eventually, hopefully not too soon as I’ve yet to meet my soul mate. I haven’t given up but I’m close to it. It’s been a few years now since pulling the plug on a forty-year marriage. I’m grateful for that, I’m sure the ex is as well.

A chance encounter turned into a part-time lover, restoring my faith in men and love, which I’m also grateful for. He is long gone but.. “tis better to have and loved and lost than to never have loved at all.” Great quote, thank you, Tennyson.

I’m grateful but not dead yet and there’s not a day goes by that I don’t appreciate how lucky I am. There but for the grace of god go I, whenever I see my ex with his girlfriend, sorry/not sorry. There is so much to be thankful for and my writing has expressed this I think. What I don’t write about is the hard work and dedication that’s gotten me there. Stuff doesn’t just come to those that want it.. serious shit, elbow grease, and learning stuff the hard way are what make it happen.

What I enjoy today I put my heart and my soul into making it so. Coming from a broken home, my mom leaving my dad when I turned twelve, six kids in tow, and living on welfare, was just one challenge. Being the oldest was okay, I guess, but a lot of work. I ran away from home at age fourteen and lived with relatives. I made my way back to my mom a couple of years later, which sent me in search of my errant dad at age sixteen and moved to another province even! Making mistakes along the way was how I figured out right from wrong, good from bad, and well.. you get the picture. I never did finish school although my Facebook page has me attending the U of S for a time. So okay .. there were those two classes I took once.

Truth is I never finished grade ten, I was in search of something, but I never could put my finger on what that something was. Moving to the coast to be with my dad and finish grade ten was a mistake. There was really no one in my life that could take my hand and guide me or give me direction. Mom had too many kids, my relatives helped but were so constrictive it was only a matter of time before I ran from them as well. The only thing I knew for sure back then, was sex was a mortal sin.. my strict Catholic upbringing! Purgatory was always a mystery to me, and lord help me if they ever opened up my chest, because everyone would see all those huge black sins on my heart. I wish I was kidding here, but I’m not.

Being pretty naïve about life, it was fortunate that I didn’t end up pregnant. The only thing holding me back from that was that mortal sin! Not having a clue about how babies were made also helped and yes I am serious here as well. Unlike today, we didn’t have social media and we sure couldn’t google our questions about sex. It was a gentler, kinder era.. no drugs although alcohol was certainly prevalent, I really didn’t like the taste of beer. Cigarettes took getting used to as well, and a pack would last me forever. I loved kissing and hugging and the closeness that comes with that. Keeping my legs closed was not hard, but it was for the guys, sorry/not sorry, but not my problem. Eventually, that did happen but all I have to say here is WTF was that all about? I never did that again, well it would be much later on for sure..

Skipping forward now taking a hairdressing course at age 20, my grampa helped finance me. A waitress job in the evenings when school was out helped me pay for board and room, Everyone says get a job, I want to say here, get a job you love if you can. I loved doing hair and after finishing hairdressing school I went on to get married and started my very own hair salon.  I went on to open three more. This wasn’t the end of my journey by a long shot.. a bankruptcy brought on by the ex starting his own business, ended that life. My second life was the continuation of that entrepreneurial journey that still stretches out in front of me today. I could write a book about all my failures and successes and all the tears, but I NEVER gave up! EVER..  and I am so grateful for that.

I am single and well into My Third Life, starting yet another career in writing. I am as old as that band and yes I am grateful, but not dead yet.

If you have a dream, I encourage you to step out of your comfort zone, nothing exciting ever happens there anyway.. just do it…

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