don’t tell my heart.. my achy breaky heart

Do you ever have those days when you just can’t seem to get it going? Like something is missing.. it is like you are missing.. but missing from what? You imagesH21CO18Vfeel disinterested and unmotivated, nothing appeals to you except to go back to bed and curl up under the covers and just sleep!

imagesL1M0SI7WWhat brings this on I wonder? Is it boredom.. I don’t think so. Could it be the weather.. well I do think a cloudy rainy sky brings a certain amount of gloom. Look around you when it is gloomy, do you see everyone smiling and laughing.. not likely! Grumpiness is a prevailing factor in gloomy weather.

Sometimes we ARE just tired and what I call sleeping around the clock..  from supper till next morning is required. There are those days it is hard to get out of bed and that can be a real problem to.. but not in this case.

This is what it feels like…

For no reason I just feel empty, not sick but just ‘not with it’ not motivated and not interested in anything around me. I just don’t want to talk to anybody or go anywhere but maybe bed! I am by myself and like it that way.. maybe sometimes I just feel lonely.

The holidays are just around the corner and spending it by myself for the first time in my life is not making this any better. I am looking at homeless people with a new eye to inviting them for Xmas.. and I am only half joking.

I know about homesickness I used to get that a lot when I left home and just needed to talk to my mom. It was aching for home and my siblings (THAT was a revelation!) but I left home at sixteen, so I was young.

I do miss my kids but lord knows they have their own life and even if I was closer (which I am all summer) I still don’t see them enough! I can get a’ fix’ by driving out and trying to get in a visit, but they are so busy working, I think ‘what the hell’ and I get the heck outta there before they put me to work!

images7U2QZUH2It is Karma.. I didn’t visit my mom and now it is payback. Life down in the south is very cool.. well quite warm actually, that is why I am here. My girlfriend is great to have here as well. She has her own place and we see each other and do stuff most days and the pool most nights.

But sometimes like the last few days (cloudy weather.. btw)  I just want to be by myself, maybe I am just sad or is it something I am ingesting that is making me feel this way? A recent exploration on allergies has opened my eyes to a lot of self induced pain.imagesQK0CNS8Q

Maybe we get homesick for something or someone and it just feels like a hole and we think we need to fill it. Or maybe an unresolved issue or an unsolvable situation that just won’t go away.

Sometimes the down time is a need to it feel it so when we do “come out of it” it is such a relief ? I’m probably just missing a certain someone and I wonder if I will ever see him again. I sure hope so..  because this ache is really hard to treat.

It is not like a stomach ache or a back ache or even a tooth ache.. although if it was, at least I could drug myself. I do think we all need someone to love as well as someone that loves us.. we don’t necessarily have to live with them but we do need to be ‘in touch’ once in awhile.

imagesPR62IY7WWe have grandchildren to love.. and love us and thank god for that! Our kids love us as well but it is hard to smother them with hugs and kisses .. they get annoyed. Grandkids do too when they get older .. darn! Maybe we just need the human touch to re-affirm our reason for being.untitled (25)

Don’t be stingy with your hugs! I’d like to start a “hug some-one today” campaign. Starting with Tom Selleck..someone please send him my way so we can kickstart this. Ok so just phone your mom or your grandma or whoever is in your life and give them a cyber-hug (do men need hugs as much as women do, I wonder?). I’m sure Tom might ….

Most people have pets, and although I think that can help with focusing on some one other than yourself.. it is not images1MA8LIQ5the answer for me. I have a hard time motivating  myself for a walk let alone walking a dog ? images3ITGGJFQ

I really think it is the physical touch and feeling of  being connected to another .. that soothes those feelings of emptiness… just sayin…

Oh look  ..  the sun just came out! images8NUI191R

2 thoughts on “don’t tell my heart.. my achy breaky heart

    1. I’m glad you liked it .. and thanks for the hug, I am doing a follow up story. I posted this one after three days of being in the dumps but what happened yesterday was kinda eerie but fascinating too. I will be posting that soon.. and a hug back to you!!

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