Have you ever wondered how you are going to die? I envision going fast and quick and that is my best case scenario. I am also ready to die, well putting that into perspective I only mean that I am not waiting to live.
By now you should be confused but let me explain. I took my life into my own hands several years ago and decided to live my own life as best as I could. Seeing the world was always something I figured to do .. so I did! The more I seen the more there was to see.
Hugging my kids and telling them and friends I love them .. even new friends, is not unusual for me. This is not hard to do and if it is.. then start practicing. Do you ever think you could die tomorrow? I didn’t either until a vehicle t-boned me on my way to work, around the same time I decided to make a life change.
Surviving that accident virtually unscathed (well physically anyway) made me realize how precious and unpredictable our time here is. We know we aren’t going to live forever but most of us never give death a serious thought.
Our life can be snatched from us in the blink of an eye. Should this be the case and I hope to go fast.. don’t mourn me. I am living right now, doing what I want to do.. well mostly.
Oh sure .. there is a lot I still hope to achieve but my family knows how much I love them. So do the friends that count, I hope they have something nice to say about me when I’m gone, and if they don’t then god help them!
All this comes back to me with a jolt.. a very dear precious girlfriend passed away today. I made it home in time to say goodbye to her.. although I wasn’t sure if I wanted to see her this way. She suffered from a rare and progressive brain tumour that was only detected last fall.
No matter how she looked now, she is always in my head as how we looked back in our days. I know we change and Barb changed a lot, but I hardly noticed .. when she opened her mouth she was the same as always. Her wit and her humour .. always right on.
She had a self depreciating sense of humour and was never demanding on any of us. Well except to bring her food in the hospital, lordy lordy, those drugs gave her an appetite! To be fair she always had a good appetite but there was not an ounce of fat on her..
I have written a couple blogs about my dear friend. We roomed together in her Aunties house in the basement suite.. with her grandma.. yes we have a lot of stories and memories! We took a hairdressing course at Marvel and we both ended up as hairdressers owning our own businesses.
We stayed in touch for a long time but then drifted apart. Reconnecting and making up for lost time when she got sick was easy, and it was like we never left each other. I am so thankful for this time we had.
Barb would not change a thing in her life.. she shared that with me one day as we were reminiscing. I found that remarkable.. she possessed this inner knowledge.. something that took me a life change and an accident to learn!
She lived for her family and they were always her priority.. her grandkids especially! I still can hear her telling me about going outside and digging in the dirt with her oldest granddaughter (still a toddler) and how crazy happy that made her! Barb was always happiest outside and digging in the dirt.
Ok I have to tell this.. (some will be offended but this was back in the day, remember). She was a smoker back then, as was I, and I said “well Barb do you smoke around her?” and she said “hell yes, and I can’t wait till she gets old enough and we can have a smoke together!” and we both laughed until we were sick..
Of course we quit smoking years ago, as most of us did.. but we still need to thank the smokers and the drinkers for keeping the government coffers in tax money.
Barb had such love for her family and I know she will be keeping an eye on them from wherever she is. I plan on seeking her out when I get there too.. who knows maybe we will even be able to lite up a cigarette together.. anything is possible…
I am so glad we got to spend time together again.. Barb truly did live each day and that is all we can do..
This is a post I wrote for my friend last year .. I was hoping for a different outcome www.my-thirdlife.com/laugh or cry live or die .. this is for you Barb