Wanting to punch someone in the face..

I woke up that morning, well actually it was the tenth time I woke up that morning.. wanting to punch someone in the face. No one in particular, well ok there is always that one person that qualifies, but I digress. The pain radiating from my lower back down into my leg was excruciating.

Flying from the States recently made me think of the possibility of a blood clot. The doctor at the walk-in Medical clinic I decided to go to, is so good-looking, I forget about my pain for just a fraction of a second. He is so young.. everyone is so young when you are my age. Fortunately, I like my men older and wiser.. just saying.

Now where was I, oh right.. punching someone in the face! I am not a violent person, ever.. but the pain is making me crazy. The walk-in clinic’s young Adonis deemed it wasn’t a blood clot, he mentioned something about chiropractors, massages, or physiotherapy. I leave breathing a sigh of relief.. and as it turns out, the only relief I will have in three days.

I always self-diagnose myself and if the problem persists I can always get a second opinion from my doctor. My aversion to pills of any kind frustrates my family doctor, “why didn’t you take them” he says “Well I looked up the side effects on the internet” says I. “Well the internet is not your doctor,” says he.. and that is true. He allows me my idiosyncrasies and never talks down to me. I like and trust my doctor and he is on my blog somewhere… I write about everything.

The pain does not let up and my Ibuprofen 600 gel caps bought in Mexico (for emergencies only) get a run for their money. Two days later and now I am searching for the stronger drugs I never used, also from Mexico. A prescription was filled when I got implants there… no not that kind, I don’t need those as I have plenty to spare even. This prescription was for pain for dental implants, from my dentist.

This dam pain is insidious and unrelenting, I go from wanting to punch someone to killing someone, or myself and I explain this to my family doctor’s secretary. She schedules me in for two days later, I tell her if I am still here I will come. “I only want drugs,” I say.. “just tell him to phone me in a prescription for Tylenol three”.. “No can do,” says she, and now I want to punch her too, sigh….

That night was the worst night of my life. I’m sure I’ve had worse, (emotionally) but that fades in comparison to this real physical pain. While texting a gf the next day I ended up apologizing profusely for my ignorance of the pain she lives with every day but kept hidden from me.. sharing it only after listening to my non-stop whining.

Here’s the thing I want to get off my chest with this blog today. Please forgive me if I did not properly acknowledge your pain-filled existence, and I truly mean that. I had no idea how pain can make you crazy inside. This has opened my eyes to how it can disrupt and distort our everyday way of life.

Wanting to punch someone is not good.. and just in case you were thinking of it, thank you for not punching me! I applaud your bravery, and patience, both of which I am lacking in. Seriously, I salute you, you are the silent heroes that go unnoticed among us. I am no hero and definitely not silent.. is this how some get addicted to pills I wonder?

My doctor’s secretary calls me up and says “Oh good, you are still alive” seems she can fit me in one day early. I want to reach into the phone and hug her. I have never been so excited to see my doctor .. ever. Turns out I have sciatica and he prescribes muscle relaxers and Tylenol three and I want to reach out and hug him as well.

I am now living in la-la land but I want you to know this. Having never been a whiner, pain can do funny things to your psyche, turning me into not only a whiner but also a cranky bitch wanting to hurt someone. Make sure you call first before visiting me ok? Or bring drugs.

Another takeaway from this experience, if you will… always, always, take cookies or doughnuts to your doctor’s appointment. I take muffins because I think they are healthier. I do believe it paid off by getting me into seeing my doctor one day early.. this could quite possibly have saved a life.

.. maybe yours or maybe my own.. just saying..

copyright Sept. 8th, 2018