This morning has me thinking about my lover.. no, not that kind of thinking.. although he does get a lot of my head time that way.. still. He was an early riser and I’m talking 4:45 a.m. early, and I am up at 5:45 this morning. He was (I put past tense because we are in the past tense) a smart and well travelled (around the world kind) still working, busy as hell, in demand executive/hard hat kinda guy.
Lovers, boyfriends and husbands.. I have had them all. Oh.. and even one night stands, and yes, after age sixty. I’m not so adventurous anymore.. and if you are my kids reading this, be forewarned this could make your eyes bleed. See.. the thing is, I didn’t know and still don’t actually, what are the rules about our love life in our senior years?
Is there a protocol or book or .. or.. what is the accepted norm for being newly single in our sixties but still sexually active? Some may be dead or uncaring in that department, but how many of us aren’t? I feel like the rules for us female warriors (and believe me, we have survived our share of wars!) are non-existent and we can make up our own.
My first rule is .. sleeping with someone on a first date is acceptable, if you don’t see him again.. all the better! Unless he was really good in that department, but at our age that’s another can of worms (and I will address that in another blog). The thing is, I needed to experiment and after a long hiatus, I needed to feel desirable again.
We really don’t need to answer to anyone other than ourselves, and please be careful. The rules about unprotected sex are still the same regardless of age. Getting pregnant may be off the table, and slutty doesn’t count (go for it : ) but sexual diseases are on the rise in the older people set. Being lucky helps, but I was read the riot act by my doctor!
We need to be careful with our bodies and I understand that, but our minds is where we need the real protection. There are no rules and I am the least qualified to discuss morals and virtue, I possess neither, it seems. My relationships with men are what led me to here in the first place.
Being married forever didn’t prepare me for the single life.. it only imbedded in me a desire to never be married again! To be desirable again was an eye opener for me, that someone actually wanted to make love to me was heady indeed! Sexual encounters are just that.. although men seem to be satisfied, I think women want or need something more.
My life has changed dramatically from where I was, to the person I am now. A recent encounter with the Ex only validated that decision, I feel really good about myself and my life. That is the important part.. feeling good about yourself! Letting a man define you is so disheartening.. but it happens and I understand.
Sure loneliness engulfs me sometimes and I’m not gonna lie, I miss my lover. I felt vital and alive and desirable and ready to face any adversity, for the first time in years. A complete satisfaction that only comes when everything is right with the world. My lover helped me feel this, I suppose this loneliness hits me once in awhile, because of him, and for that I am grateful. The joys far outweigh the sorrow.
So as I sat down to write this morning at such an early time, I thought about him. It was not about the sex, which was great, but more about a relationship that was meant to build you up.. not tear you down. Oh.. and I slept with my lover our first time out.
Its really hard to define what exactly I want in my life and I wonder if others feel this way? The one night stands (it sometimes happens but ..) are not the answer. They may be fine for others and I had to experiment, but unless Tom Selleck is available, then I think I will take a pass.
Finding a boyfriend which is more permanent, is also a dilemma.. if you are looking for the perfect boyfriend.. loll. See.. a boyfriend has more demands than a lover, or maybe I expect more from a boyfriend. The one thing that I know for sure is that .. and I’m not gonna lie, is we need to be sexually compatible. The loving kind of sexuality.
So the single life it is. I know I am a senior, but the young, beautiful and smart woman inside of me still has all these aspirations and dreams. Am I different from others my age? I honestly don’t know, we need to talk about it more. The most important part of my life was finding myself and being proud of the woman I have grown into.
“Let no man define you”
Ok.. so I am still waiting for Tom Selleck… just sayin..