One week today since I traveled that road from hell. It was tough and made me think about my own mortality. I know I’m getting old, but I continue to think I can do anything I want, and it seems that’s not true anymore. Sadly age has its own agenda and it sometimes doesn’t coincide with mine. This brings me mixed emotions and frankly, it upsets me somewhat. Wth (what the hell) I’ve always felt invincible and ready to take on any challenge. Now I’m starting to doubt myself, is this what ages us I wonder?
Old doesn’t scare me, it’s all in how you feel. What scares the hell outta me is having to rely on others for my own well-being. There are too many things that need my attention right now and my health and my bravado (for lack of a better word) are sadly lacking. Don’t get me wrong, dying doesn’t scare me, I’ve faced that boogeyman and it changed my life. It’s having to rely on others to help me in my daily living that sucks away at my self-confidence.
I finally got my patio back in order so I can sit out here in the mornings in the sun and write. It took a whole week because I couldn’t do it myself, I needed help. I don’t like asking for help but this mess out here overwhelmed me and required assistance to bring it back to order. I suppose I could have done it myself.. na, that’s a lie, I needed help, and what’s so bad about that? Buying a blower is now on my list of must-haves. The dust and sand here are choking me and as much as I hate the snow at least it is clean.
Golfing was never on my list of things I wanted to do, but on a whim, I signed up for it. It was not as painful or boring as I imagined it to be, and I made some new friends. Thank goodness I’m only subbing though. Pulling myself out of my comfort zone is a new thing, but skydiving will never happen, and that’s a fact. Whoever invented golf had way too much time on his hands, notice I said him. I also signed myself up for a few things in the clubhouse like cards and the Thanksgiving meal, so okay these are in my comfort zone. Eating will never get old, right?
Seeing as this blog has ‘unfiltered’ in the title I will confess to wondering if I should just sell this place and go home. I’ve only been here a week but the joy I usually feel being here has not manifested itself yet. I miss my family, it’s not like I saw them a lot, but I can’t see them at all now. Maybe old age is stalking me, or maybe I’m just tired. The world seems to be different somehow, I’m sure this virus and Putin have a lot to do with it, but not feeling confident and safe is foreign to me. Having traveled to many places in the world, by myself sometimes, I’ve never really been intimidated.
I wonder if others my age feel this way, is it a part of the aging process, hmmmm. Tom Selleck showing up right now would certainly get me out of this funk, I wonder what he’s doing for Thanksgiving? I really miss having someone to love me, but I do love being single. Maybe I just need a hookup (sorry kids if you are reading this) but I’m not going back onto the dating sites uh uh, I could write a book about that.
Update: I didn’t finish the blog, it seemed depressing and it was depressing to me even. Well, the good news is that I awoke yesterday with a new attitude and energy that I haven’t felt in over a month. No, I didn’t find a hook-up, but that’s not off the books lol. I think the bug I picked up over a month ago is finally out of my system, at least I sure hope so. It’s American Thanksgiving today and my new burst of energy has me baking and cooking for my contribution to the clubhouse meal today at 2:00. I think I may even go to a movie later and stuff myself with popcorn that is if I can eat anything else after our big meal this afternoon.
Happy American Thanksgiving to all down here and to you back home, I miss you lots, but not the cold and the snow. I need to go and cook my turnips now, don’t care, I love turnips. I wonder if Tom likes turnips? hmmmm
It feels good to be alive again.
copyright November 14th, 2022