letters from the nearly dead

The huge oilfields truck bearing down on me, was just feet away from making me a road angel.. the gravel truck beside me that I was trying to pass, was not giving me purchase either. The head on collision played out in my mind, because frankly.. I had no where to go. Strangely, I felt no real fear for myself but rather regret that I would be the cause of the other two trucks piling up with me.

I pondered how this was going to end.. the headlights on the oncoming truck, were like two huge big eyes staring me down. At the last possible second .. the eyes swerved to my left missing me by inches.. all I heard was horns blaring! I meekly moved in back behind the truck I was trying to pass, my brakes were finally slowing me down…whew…

I contemplated my last close call over seven years ago. I faced certain death on that one and I actually did total my car. I hit a half ton truck at a high speed.. he didn’t see me as he darted out into my path. Everything happened in slow motion and my life was over, I felt sure of it. I survived but felt I was dead inside somehow. I had to seek out physiological help to get my life back.

That accident changed me forever, my purpose here was what haunted me most. My feeling that day of certain death.. made me unafraid of it from that point forward. I’ll admit I was shaken from this recent close call.. but strangely it wasn’t my imminent death but rather things left undone, that went through my mind.

I was unprepared for the second close call just a few short hours later AND this is what has been bothering me the most, this past week. That second close call was totally unexpected and I had no time to react other than to blurt out  “HOLY  F##KING SHIT !!!” to no one in particular. I was pulling out from visiting a gf onto a deserted highway, only to have a little red car whiz by in front of me at what seemed like a million mph. geez!

I didn’t tell anyone (except my granddaughter.. we keep each others secrets..lol) about that second close call. So there you have it, am I getting too old to drive? Of course it’s preposterous, but still, how many close calls are we allowed? As we age we have ‘episodes’ of incongruity that would never happen in our ‘younger self’ lives.

Falling out of bed when younger is no big deal and probably involved alcohol. When you are older you can hit a night table and give yourself a black eye. When told this story by an older relative I was incredulous! How do you fall out of bed.. like really? He goes on to relate how it happened not once but TWICE! He now sleeps on a boxspring and mattress (no legs on bed) and puts a pillow on the floor before getting into bed.

Forgetting things is common as we age.. locking yourself out of your home three times in one week is not.. apparently. I keep a chair outside the laundry room window now.. just in case. Keys are a disaster.. just implant a ‘chip’ in me and when I get near my car or house then it should just start or open. A loud beep when I holler out “where the hell are my glasses” would be nice..

When we start being secretive as we age, should be the starting point of gauging our capabilities. “I knew that.. I just wanted to see if you did!” Putting your phone in the fridge may not be good .. but such a relief when you finally find it! “I put it there because it was heating up” is lame, but works.

You think you would know how you cracked a rib.. but tequila clouds the brain as you age, causing black-outs. Actually that could happen at any age, but at least the xray explains why your side is hurting so much. Oh.. and don’t be refilling little bottles of shampoo and such when you are older.. that pink stuff you think is mouthwash, was nail polish remover.. just sayin.. not good!

Being nearly dead I sometimes think I have barely lived! Looking back I have all sorts of regrets.. but I accept them. Looking forward, hmmmm… don’t tell anybody of your follies or near misses, except your own age friends, a nursing home is not Club Med!

Always go forward and be optimistic.. if you get lost, well.. that’s half the fun and enjoy the ride.. unless you’re not supposed to be driving.. in which case pull over and call your best friend, NOT your kids!

oh… and put yellow tape across those bricks you use for a step, in front of your patio doors, before you fall head first twice into your kitchen.. just sayin..