Groundhog day is such a farce don’t you think? Being from Canada we are going to get winter until July for sure .. our January seems to last a year and half. The only thing I like about that rodent is that game at the exhibition where he pops up from those little holes and I can bop him on the head with a big fat hammer.. for some sick reason I love that game.
Here in the great white north we need to get our own animal .. something worthy of our frigid temperatures. How about a polar bear coming out of his den? Wait a minute.. do polar bears even hibernate, and maybe he is just coming out because he is thirsty for a coke..
How about a moose emerging from the trees and if he sees a coke addicted polar bear frolicking in the ‘snow’ .. he runs away and we get early spring.. ! and if he stays .. well we get moose meat burgers all summer. Well this scenario is just ludicrous because moose don’t hibernate….
Why not a Sasquatch showing himself on February second and if anyone sees him we will have an early spring. If we only see his footprints in the snow .. well no one will believe it anyway.. so no spring and fast forward to summer.
This is the redneck version to figure when we are getting spring up here in the north. The day the beater car or truck set out on the ice over the pond, falls through.. it is spring. (winner here is the person who guessed the right day) oh .. and if you happened to be ice fishing out on the lake that day you lose!
There is also the glass of water trick or sticking your tongue on a metal post. We prefer something much softer like exposing our butt while out snowmobiling and if the pee does not freeze like a waterfall then spring is surely around the corner.
This begs the question, have you ever been snowmobiling in three feet of snow in a godforsaken landscape and had to pee with ten inch thick gloves and ten layers of clothes, and.. how do you squat when the snow is up to your ass? Well it is it’s own special kind of hell and why did I drink all those fluids anyway? Where is everybody and aren’t there bears out here?
ok now where was I.. right.. groundhog day, what animal or rodent could we use for this day? How about a Canadian icon the BEAVER .. do they hibernate hmmm, I should know that shouldn’t I ? We trap them and shoot them and some even eat them… and say they taste just like chicken.. ok was that my outside voice.. sorry.. maybe.
Well.. this is how it could work. The beaver comes up out of his beaver dam and if he fully emerges from the water and sees his tail.. he thinks “well that was a cold freakin winter but at least I didn’t freeze my tail off!” and… for sure we will get snow the long week-end in May… the end.