the blahs of everyday life, it happens
The blahs of everyday life, it happens..
Okay… so Miss Congeniality/smiley face (everyone comments on my smile and trust me, I had to work on it) here has been in a funk all week. There is absolutely no reason for this and that even makes it worse in a way. Isolating ourselves in our own cocoons of self-absorption happens, but how to break free? Now before one of you sends in the caring police I want you to know this.. they don’t care either! Everyone has their own life and sometimes we just don’t fit into it. Actually, WE are a part of it but, but, but only when they need us or we barge in on them unannounced.
This is the hard part of getting old and if you are single… well good luck with that, or get a dog. I did have a cat for 10 months, lordy lordy that sure didn’t work out the way I planned. It was an adventure with my youngest granddaughter (she was five) but needless to say, we will always have those memories. It included our imaginations and a children’s book we wrote together to bring this cat into being. As I sit here writing this an ‘aha’ moment is making its way into my brain. Something to do with memories, and it also coincides with a conversation I had with my long-lost brother’s wife last night. (He is not dead but only unaccountable in my life, don’t ask .. they are still my family though, and I love them all.)
We were talking about our lives and money of course. We can’t live without money and unfortunately, when we get old the government doesn’t pay us enough to live our lives as to what we were used to. So she is still working to have money and I am still whining about not having enough. Neither one of us is hard up, far from it actually. BUT also know this, we worked our whole lives to get to where we are, and being adventurous entrepreneurs, we don’t have paid pension plans to help us in our retirement. I actually spent what little RRSPs I had to travel the world when I got a divorce from my forty-year marriage.
Whining over, now here is the good part and my ‘aha moment’. As we were commiserating about our money situation, and being in the seniors’ bracket, I related the story of my son trying to give me a wake-up call. I had some money coming in from the sale of my shares in family-owned property at the lake. An exciting opportunity presented itself around the same time, taking part in a Culinary Learning Journey to Portugal and Morroco with the International Caterers Association I was a member of. It would take all of the money from the sale.
My son looked me in the eye and said “Mom, what happens when income tax comes around next year and you have to pay taxes on that money?”
I looked straight back at him and said “Son, I could be dead next year, so what’s your point?” well maybe it didn’t sound quite that harsh, but maybe it did. I also took a side trip, on my way home, a week in a B&B in Paris. This was four years ago and all of the pictures I took are now flooding back into my Facebook ‘memories’ page. The memories made were so amazing and dare I say heartfelt. Meeting and making so many new friends, they became like family to me. The wonders of Portugal (and Miguel) and Morroco, have a special place in my heart. Getting to explore Paris on my own.. all this was an adventure I will never forget. The Eiffel Tower took my breath away when I viewed it for the first time with my own eyes. Money cannot buy memories, well shit.. that’s not true and it’s also not my ‘aha moment’.
While I have been in a slump for most of the past week I had totally forgotten (and it happens) the amazing parts of my life that I may never experience again. I have all those precious memories and sure money bought them but money can’t replace them. OMG if I had a choice between the money or the memories, well… we all know the answer to that one, right? I guess I forgot to count my blessings and shame on me. I have my precious family and I know they love me, but they do have their own lives to lead.
The memories that haven’t been made yet are what produced my ‘AHA moment’ omg… my life has taken an unexpected turn this past year, one that I could never have predicted. I don’t know what the future has in store for me, nor do I want to know. I experience life as it happens and I need to remember that. I’m always grateful and if I die tomorrow so be it. My life though, has taken an unexpected turn. Love has appeared in my life and has made me so happy that I think I know what my funk is about this week. I freaking miss him so much … AHA!
It’s time to make an unplanned appearance at my kids’ place today. I need to get out of the house, and they need my presence for a nice/unexpected memory to cherish … lol.
Have a great day and tell someone you love them.
September 24th 2023
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