Mad Hatter haircut “it was the best of times and it was the worst of times”
It was the best of times .. it was the worst of times. Do you think 2020 will go down in history as The Time the World Stood Still.. or that time when gas was so cheap, but we couldn’t go anywhere? Baking and cleaning products became hot commodities and finding toilet paper was apparently our only important mission in life. Migrating flocks of birds of all kinds could head north again, free and unhindered by congested airline traffic. Fish could finally breath once more as our lakes, rivers and oceans got a time out, and the waters cleansed themselves. Ironically as the planet thrived in the absence of all that manmade pollution.. mankind itself had to don masks when venturing out. An invisible virus so deadly was loose in the world and killing humans at an alarming rate.
Decrees went out into the lands to isolate and stay inside, do not mingle, rather stay safe at home. Families came together literally overnight, cooped up at home together, strange things began to happen. People were learning to cook again and some to homeschool their kids , we were also learning to live every moment .. in the moment. It was the best of times and the worst of times, literally. Good marriages were tested and the bad ones only got worse. Relationships either fell by the wayside or were made stronger and more powerful. Those without partners were either extremely lucky or desperately lonely, some just floated along not caring either way. This was not a good time for those that suffered depression.. medications were also in short supply.
Baking was a bit trickier, we all have to eat, so that and cooking meals was the most important part. Scoring a 20lb bag of flour was like winning the lottery.. well a scratch and win, for sure. Yeast was still a no-show but friends came in handy, the ones with yeast and in my case vinegar.. who knew? Vinegar is what our mothers and grandmothers used for cleaning everything.. I just needed some for a recipe. I will now use vinegar in my laundry once it becomes abundant again, google it!
Hair became the bane of our existence.. it does not stop growing in a pandemic! We were all starting to look the part of deranged humans on the loose, hair flying every which way.. it was not pretty.
My grey roots are always a pain, my hair grows so fast, but looking around I see hair growing out everywhere. The guys with the closely cropped hair are really suffering from haircut withdrawal. My son is hating his wooly look and I am cursing my arms for not being flexible enough to cut the back of my hair.. damn. Enter my granddaughter, our savior wearing a mad-hatter hat, which is curiously appropriate. My misgivings about her abilities, take a back seat, to how badly I want that dam hair growing around my neck to disappear.
On the road to her new pop-up career, my granddaughter watched two u-tube videos.. TWO! She took the clippers to her boyfriends hair and he looks no worse for wear, and we looked him over pretty good, can’t lie. So it is I bring out my haircutting stash, I did own and operate four hair salons in my day. These are desperate times and call for desperate measures, and she did watch TWO u-tube videos. She puts the cape around my shoulders and I send up a silent Hail Mary, can’t hurt right?
What ensues is a half hour of hilarity that I think we will not soon forget. We’ve all experienced the ugly cry, but I’m here to tell you there is a thing called the ugly laugh and I invented it on a Saturday night in May 2020. It was so ugly my son had to leave the garage where we set up the pop-up salon. My granddaughter has a spray water bottle, “you always cut the hair wet”.. I explain to her, a comb and scissors. Right off the bat she does not have enough hands to hold all this stuff. My daughter-in-law steps in to become the holder of the comb, while I hold the spray bottle.
She eyes up the back of my hair and wets it, combs it and tilts my head forward .. then she admonishes me to please sit still. I start to snicker, she tells me to settle down and tilts my head forward again and I snicker louder. I think I am nervous and then she says “ok CHER-ELLE” in a French accent and I start laughing so hard I can hardly breath. She makes a few more comments that are inconsequential, I’m now laughing so hard I’m getting chest pains. We take a moment to calm down because I can’t seem to quit laughing and everyone else in tears as well.
Then it happens, the ugly laugh is about to be born. My granddaughter says “CHER-ELLE please sit still” and I snort so hard that snot comes shooting out of both my nostrils!! This has been building up and it is so embarrassing and so gross.. that’s when my son gets up, shakes his head and leaves the room… omg, kill me now, someone get me a tissue PLEASE! I am now laughing and crying and snot is running out of both my nostrils, those left in the room are disgusted and in awe probably at what is happening. This was truly a Kodak moment and I cannot remember when I have laughed like that.. ever!
It was the best of times and the worst of times .. and the ‘Mad Hatter’ gave me a perfect haircut!