At over sixty I was probably the oldest person of approximately nine hundred people at a Snoop Dogg concert eight years ago, and I was okay with that. The body search going in surprised me somewhat as did all the police cars on hand at the venue. The weed being smoked inside is what I did not expect, I thought we had a no-smoking by-law, and how the heck was this happening?
I once saw Oprah interview Snoop Dog and became endeared to him. His music also appealed to my eclectic tastes in music, but mainly I liked what I saw on Oprah’s show. He talked about his life and his wife and seemed a genuine, family-orientated kind of guy.
Having the freedom to choose the music I liked, was the gift I gave myself in my sixties. My forty-year marriage introduced this rock and roll gal to country music, started out as all marriages do. We like to please our partners, so listening to country music became a ‘thang’ I even came to like it a little, very little. When the love dissipates so does our enthusiasm for giving and compromising.
Music brings forth many emotions, invoking the good, the sad, and sometimes even the ugly. Music can seal an experience and imprint it into our memory banks. We can relive a memory/experience all over again when we hear a particular song. It seems the more I listened to country music the sadder I became. Mixing it up with my favorite music, which was not country, became less tolerable for my husband. In the end, I was force-fed country music to a point I wanted to kill Hank Williams, already dead, or myself!
Fortunately, divorce let me kill two birds with one stone, so to speak. Country music and my husband were finally free to roam the fertile fields of sadness sown by the country singers of old. When something sucks the joy out of life it is time to move on. This was over ten years ago and I would still rather stick needles in my eyes than listen to old-time country music, that’s just a fact.
My life changed dramatically after the divorce, I was finally free and living my own life. I love music and it’s an important part of who I am, I think it always was. Whenever I hear a Buddy Holly song, it always makes me smile, Dean Martin makes me feel sexy, and later on, I fell in love with Yanni the composer. In my new life, I was now getting acquainted with Shaggy, Bruno Mars, and Maroon 5. Singing a Lady GaGa song ‘Poker-Face’ on a cruise ship karaoke-style, surprised the heck out of me, but I did it, and even though I can’t carry a tune it was fun. Life was slowly becoming more joyful with each passing day. Ed Sheeran singing ‘Perfect’ with Bocelli is one of my all-time favorites.
How many even realize the sadness brought on by country music? It was a revelation to me, one I tried correcting in the marriage towards the end, to no avail. I even bought earbuds so I could listen to my own music on long road trips going south, it helped, but too little too late.
The irony in all this was, once single, I frequented country bars, mainly because that’s where the men were. I missed having intimate contact with a man. I could lie and say I was lonely but that wouldn’t be completely true. I was happy, but men are good for some things, and one of those things I was sorely missing. Don’t judge me for being honest, or call me slutty, we don’t call men slutty when they sleep around right? I could have joined a church, well okay so I did venture out to church one fine Sunday, but I’ll save that for another story. When I came to my senses I realized these bars only produced more of what I had already lived with for forty years. In the end, I could have written and sung my own sad country song “just kill me now”..
Our lives should be filled with joy and with this, in mind, I set out to live by my heart, I literally gave this advice to myself. Not finding any joy in the country bars I frequented, I turned my attention to online dating. Turns out there is a lot of joy happening there. Weeding out the crazies was exhausting, it takes time and was a learning curve. I wasn’t young anymore, but I was eager. The one-night stands were inevitable and not all were bad, ok so most were but.. I was gaining valuable experience. With no one to judge me but myself, I was in this for the ride and learning how to drive in the single lane.
I met my lover online and found a different kind of joy I was unaware even existed, and how was this possible? This particular joy called ‘sexual intimacy’ I was unfamiliar with, discovering it so late in my life made it even more special. The secret ingredient here is the love of someone other than yourself. Making that person feel loved, appreciated and making them feel ‘the happy’. Holding hands, kissing, tender looks.. I was really happy.
So there I was at a Snoop Dogg concert. I am very excited and just a little grateful that my lover was willing to endure it, he really was thoughtful. Our joyful and personal time together including the sexual intimacy was such a happy and surprising bonus for me. Lacking that, then he is just a husband, a boyfriend, or a one-night stand.
Most lovers have their own journeys and if it intertwines with your own for mutual benefits, then enjoy the ride. Sometimes it can lead to commitments but mostly not, and that is ok, plus you can drag him to a Snoop Dogg concert. (but not the husband or the boyfriend.. just saying)
We order a drink from the bar waiting for Snoop, they have a DJ on steroids filling in the waiting time. The pot being smoked is such a surprise to me and an annoyance. Thank God my lover is an ordinary cigarette smoker and so we head outside to fuel his addiction. I suck up the almost fresh air, like a drowning person.
The police presence is huge and I start to wonder about our safety, ya.. a little late for that I know. This was only because of so many police cars lining the streets on both sides, what were they expecting? We get another body search going back in. If I was not with my lover I might have enjoyed these searches. We endured this a couple more times that evening.
Inside, the venue was getting rowdier and sloppier. We were now stepping in pools of spilled beer and inhaling thick clouds of sickeningly sweet, mind fogging pot. The good-looking kid beside me is hitting on me (his pot-smoking glasses no doubt, I am old enough to be his grandmother) my lover pulls me in closer with a humorous grin on his face. He is so easygoing, he is over six feet tall and I feel so safe with him and I also feel so lucky.
Two and a half hours later we are still standing around waiting and still no Snoop Dogg. My stomach is turning a bit and I have such a headache. I finally give in and say “let’s get the hell outta here.” My lover gives me a little smile and says “are you sure?” I’m so sure and a little pissed at Snoop Dogg. The young guy that was hitting on me is sad to see me leave. We walk to Hudsons a few blocks away in the clean, clear fresh night air. This is a nightclub with great food and is always packed with friendly upscale party-goers, whatever that means.
To say we were famished would be putting it lightly, but how could we even eat after coming from a smoke-induced stupor? When I related this to my kids later in the week, they laughed uproariously. Although I am from the free love, hippie pot-smoking seventies, I only tried pot once. I had kids to grow and a business to run. I was learning a lot in my old age.
Being bitterly disappointed I didn’t get to experience Snoop on stage live, my lover soothed my feelings that night as only he could. Two weeks later to my delight, he surprised me with tickets for us to see Il Divo live, an operatic boy band (with the sexiest of men). That’s another thing lovers do, his music tastes didn’t run to that type of music, but he knew mine did.
Il Divo sent shivers of pleasure throughout my body the whole concert. The latter part of the evening back at my condo, the pleasure continued. My taste in music is eclectic, and live performances are always best. Mmmmm.
This brings me to the end, I would like to say to you Snoop Dogg, the only thing I took away from your concert was a headache, an appetite, and this story.
copyright april 2021