if this virus is a test.. I forgot to study for it

What makes you joyful and gives you a feeling of everything being right with the world? A lover in my past did that for me.. go figure. I sure wasn’t looking for another man after leaving a long unhappy marriage. Making my transition to the single life as a woman over sixty was a little easier, because of him. People come into our lives when we need them. Unbeknownst to him and to my surprise, he opened my heart to the possibilities of what could be. I also felt desirable again. The joy I feel today would have eventually found me, but I sometimes feel he was my short cut. We all have an innate need to feel loved, be it with a partner, family, good friends or even a pet. We seek that connection to feel life and alive.

Being older I’m more accepting and less judgmental of those around me. I’m not old in my head but I feel wiser. Not sweating the small stuff anymore. As seniors we aren’t aspiring to make more money, start a new endeavor or meet our soul mate.. ok so that is all a lie. As I was writing this I thought wow, who am I kidding? I have a real active life in my head. I’m always thinking of new ideas to make money, which includes new endeavors and I still troll the dating sites looking for that elusive soul mate.

My life is how I make it and once my brain is de-activated, then there will be eternal peace.. or will there? This morning I made up my face to exaggerate my make-up and stuck a ponytail on top of my head, I put on a really nice dress and earrings. Then a face time call to my little granddaughter, she is three. It rang and rang until I remembered she is in play school this morning. So here I sit in this ridiculous makeup and my hair sticking straight up on the top of my head, its looks more like a rooster. One of my eyebrows is green because I picked up the wrong pencil .. ah well. That has happened a few times in real life, thank god I caught it before I went out in public.

I finally got to face time my granddaughter and now I can remove this ridiculous make-up and the rooster tail. She loved it btw :  ) This face time thing is really cool and I don’t know why I don’t use it more? I enjoyed this so much that going forward I’ll do more of this. We need to find new ways to connect with life. I was going to say loved ones but I think life is more appropriate. I do a lot of texting but that’s not the same as actually seeing the other person and their facial expressions and, and, and.. its just more satisfying.

This virus is changing all of us, is it a test I wonder? If it is then that’s not fair, because I didn’t study for it. I  certainly would have stocked up on toilet paper, hand sanitizer, yeast and flour! I also would have stocked up on hugs and outings with friends and shopping for no particular reason. I would have made love more often, ok that was wishful thinking, you need to have a partner for that. I am still single and the soul mate hasn’t appeared yet. I’m not suffering though, I have a supply of batteries.. ok so that’s a joke, or is it? I like to make my kids eyes bleed when they venture onto my blog.

We need to find ourselves some joy in each day. I was looking forward to that new show Big Sky this week but I was bitterly disappointed. We have enough weird shit going on, I was hoping for some real mystery and plot twists, instead I just felt disappointment and kinda dirty. The Amazing Race and The Voice served up some good entertainment though. I’m in love with the opera singer, I think he is my soul mate I have been searching for, Lord kill me now.. or send me Miguel. I’m starting to whine a bit so I should get to the purpose of this blog. Hmmmmm .. what did I want to share today? Face time spent with my little granddaughter was such a mental boost for me. I didn’t realize how much, until after the call. I am already thinking of how to do my hair and what to wear to amuse her for tomorrow’s call.

I think I’ll go bake some cookies now, I’m all out of junk food. This virus is killing me in ways I didn’t think possible…

sigh…