Dear Joelle (an open letter to my oldest niece)

Thank you for inviting me over to your beautiful home so I could spend some time with your dad and mom (my brother). It was great to see the whole crew from Montgomery and a few more relatives as well. You even brought out the BIG SHRIMP for your amazing appetizer spread, so we must be very special to you :  ) it made ME feel special.

The evening was such a success, reconnecting with a lot of people I haven’t seen in a long time.. including your kids. I feel bad that this may be your last party inviting all of us. I know kids can make such a mess.. but my guess is that you didn’t expect this from old people.. eh?

As we age some of us revert back to our younger selves or maybe we just refused to grow up. Aldulting is hard and when you mix that with alcohol, well.. you know that saying “you can dress em up but you can’t take them out” well it does apply to older folks too.

I have a few suggestions for your next party.. ya I know, you said there isn’t going to be a next time. But just in case you change your mind. Stock up on paper towels because I think we used them all up. I know a lot of people (some more than others apparently) like red wine, but next time maybe just serve white wine ok?

If someone brings red into your beautiful white home, just accept it and immediately hide it when they aren’t looking.  When they come looking for a drink, just say “shit, where did I put that bottle, its gotta be here somewhere?”. OR..  maybe you could paint your kitchen and your entrance way red, that would work. May as well paint the living room too, as insurance.

Another alternative for you would be to single out the adults that tend to overindulge and spill drinks. Give them mandatory sippy cups when they arrive, the kind that don’t spill. It will save on Bretts voice box yelling “get the trim.. wipe the trim!!” btw did he paint that hallways white trim? Just guessing

The downside to the sippy cup idea is that next time a different set of the older folks may decide to cut loose and there goes that idea! Better yet, give sippy cups to anyone older than 60 years old it’s better that way.. it just is. So I’m sorry some made such a mess, and I hope they ate their cigarette butts and didn’t leave em all over your front entranceway, just sayin..

I feel bad for their behavior and I am soooo glad I’m allergic to the sulphates in red wine… because “there, but for the grace of God go I.” Keep me away from Vodka too.. just sayin..

The end

Ps the beef on a bun was so delicious and Brett, you make the best coffee :  )