Two faces have I ??
Well, that’s not totally true. I have many more, but the one thing they all have in common is age! Yep… sad, I know, but better than the alternative, which would require me to carry a shovel. My birthday is coming up, and this will make me two years older than my mom when she made her way to another world, only to reappear again quite often, in my dreams.
Although I purposely strive for positivity and ‘happy’ in my life, it’s a struggle sometimes. Since coming home from down south this time, my psyche has been out of sync. I’m not sure why this is; it’s hard to explain, but I feel the need to try and understand what’s going on inside of me. One of the reasons I write is to figure out the what, where, who, and why stuff happens. This applies not only to me but the world around me.
Canada’s election was this past week, and thank you, Lord, the man I voted for won. Yes, I’m politically minded and have definite ideas on who should be in charge of running our beautiful country. We live in one of the best countries in the world, and I want to keep it that way. The political strife happening in the country south of us is insane, and God help us all on that one. Oh, and our newly, officially elected Prime Minister has already stood up to tRump, thank you very much, Mark Carney.
But this blog is not about politics, I’m giving that one a pass. The Americans will eventually figure their way out of that mess. Coming home was different this time. I rented out my condo for a month and had to stay with my kids for a couple of weeks. That was okay but I felt kinda homeless, which I was. It was a weird feeling and came with a kind of empty sadness that comes and goes, still.
Aging is a given and although inevitable, it still sucks. It’s not just the hair that grows everywhere except where it’s supposed to, on your head! I won’t bore you with all the aches and pains and shit like that but omg… a new health-related thing just came about. My return home required a yearly physical. The physical was okay, but presented another challenge, I may need a new doctor.
We need to trust our doctors, and this one has been very absent-minded and not very thorough. It’s a good thing I don’t trust doctors completely, and I do my homework when it comes to my health and body. The only good thing about that appointment was his ‘apprentice’ took my blood pressure manually, the electric one was on the fritze.
This is the first time EVER that it did not give me excruciating pain. AND guess what, my blood pressure was normal! It is always high when they hook me up to that machine. I want to reach out and slap the doctor or whoever, when they take my blood pressure, I’m not exaggerating, and they know that.
This was new to me and made me think ‘aha’ maybe all this time it was that dam machine that made my pressure so high? I will be exploring this some more, and this is why I like to keep abreast of my own body (so to speak). Speaking of breasts, they also put me down for a mammogram, which I expressly discussed with them that I didn’t want one. (The clinic phones me that same day to set up an appointment, which I declined:)
The eye appointment was the eye-opener for me, and I do mean that literally. OMG … the worst eyeglasses I ever had was not the problem, I have freaking cataracts! This never crossed my mind, ever. So… cataract surgery is now on the horizon, and I may not even need new glasses, who knew? It did clear up a lot of why my sight was giving me such hassles, especially playing cards, down south in the clubhouse. ah well …
Getting back into my condo has helped me somewhat with my discombobulated feelings. Making life choices is always a revolving door for me. I live in the here and now, always; this is by my choice. One of those life choices took a turn for me this winter. Those of you following my blog know I accepted a new person into my life, which took me completely by surprise.
Long story short, he is American and I’m Canadian. Six months of separation is a long time. Having political differences doesn’t help either, but we made it work until it didn’t. I was fine with it, as was he; we are great friends. Here’s the thing, and maybe another aha moment in my life.
We kept up an on-and-off-again togetherness, which we both enjoyed, hmmmm…. This is the part I needed to come to terms with, and being back home, I’m finally, just this past week, understanding what that empty feeling is about. The empty feeling I’m experiencing is directly related to this relationship! Omg, who knew? I’m really struggling with this, but I need to get it out. I’m missing him, emotionally and physically. Whewww… I had to drag that one out.
He makes me laugh, and that alone is a big bonus. He can be very funny as well as very loving. And there it is, as I breathe out a big sigh of relief. We will, of course, remain friends, and as I sit here writing this, that empty feeling has been slowly dissipating. We have been chatting back and forth and facetiming as well, we seem to stay in touch daily.
We are free to explore our options. This interlude in my life was a complete surprise anyway, and I’m sure there will be more surprises in store for me going forward. Wow, will you look at what pops out onto the page….
And that’s a wrap, I wonder what Tom is up to? hmmmmm
copyright May 4th 2025