yesterday, today and tomorrow

Yesterday may be gone but it affects my judgment today.  I like to flush the bad stuff or negativity and not give it purchase in my life going forward but, sometimes it clouds my reasoning.  I figure stuff out by writing it down and maybe that’s necessary now. This is about my love life or lack of one so if you are my kids reading this, then you best skip this one.

I finally came to terms with not finding someone to share my life with and unless Tom Selleck appears at my door I’m good with this.  Well, he is only on my bucket list to share my bed, not my life (what is left of it.. lol). It’s not a husband I am looking for, been there and done that. I have finally figured out how to live by myself and be reasonably happy.  Sometimes it sucks I’m not gonna lie, but not having a man around can be glorious as well. When I see a woman in pain from what her partner said or did or didn’t do I thank God I am single.

Being single, we can shape our own lives and decide all by ourselves what we want this to look like.  It goes for men and women alike but I come from the female perspective and an older one to boot! We’re still fully functional, although not as perky or adept as our younger counterparts. We also come equipped with a more mellow attitude about almost everything, because of our age. Some of us still enjoy the sexual aspects of our lives, whether it has a heartbeat or a motor.. sorry/not sorry.  I won’t name names here but I’m not dead yet.. oops, my outside voice.

Single life has been good for me, it has opened my mind to the possibilities of what is possible, does that even make any sense?  I can do whatever I want, how I want and no one is here in my space to judge me.  The best part of this singleness is this feeling of joy as I sit here, outside on my patio, drinking my coffee and writing about anything that catches my interest!  I don’t have to worry about making breakfast for a partner that is still in bed or worry about what to cook for supper even, for that matter. I am free to plan my day or not, as to how I feel.  I’m especially joyful this morning because it has been on the cool side and I missed a few mornings out here.

This life is of my own doing and mostly it’s been fulfilling. If I die tomorrow I’m okay with that, I’m doing what I love (writing), and being engaged in living.  Having someone to share it with was also glorious (a lover) and although it was never a live-in situation, we kept in touch with prolific emails.  Maybe it was the emails that kept me enthralled hmmmm.  Na.. it was the exquisite meet-ups that were truly amazing (if you are reading this kids, I warned you!). It was both actually, and all you single old gals out there and young ones too will be happy to know that the best is yet to come (figuratively as well : ). As we age we still have the same feelings, we don’t become dead inside.  Quite the opposite in fact, especially when we hit retirement and don’t have the responsibilities of families and jobs to worry about.

“Yesterdays shaped our today and today shapes our tomorrow” I really like that, please credit me when requoting it, lol.  Having written all this brings me closer to what it is I’m pondering lately.  Having someone in my life could be a possibility and I have turned away a couple of these in the past.  My thinking used to be that you could learn to love someone and I tried that out and it’s not possible, well not for me anyway.  There has to be a spark of some kind, and it has to follow through on two levels, mentally and physically.  I miss having someone filling me up with love and the intimacy of cuddling and everything that goes with it.  I am also grateful that I got to experience that in my lifetime. Some never do, I was fortunate.  Should I never get that opportunity again at least I know.

To sum up this blog I think I have answered my own questions.  My yesterdays did shape my today and what I do about it today will certainly shape my tomorrow.  My life is my own and living safely is not like living free and the Lord knows I love living free.. I have my answer.

and that’s a wrap .. “live your best life but don’t be afraid to take chances”

Feb. 4th 2023

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