What next?????
What next ??????
It’s Saturday morning and as I sit here at my computer contemplating what next????.. you should know that I just made myself Kraft dinner for breakfast, with diced tomatoes. This used to be my comfort food, and don’t judge me. My thoughts before I dig in is that it won’t be as good as I imagined it would be. BUT… I am wrong, omg this is nirvana and it soothes an ache inside that has been gnawing at me for a couple of days.
I have been rolling blissfully along in my life and not doing anything productive to give it meaning. I don’t even know what I just said means. Well, I kinda do.. I’m trying to be a writer and know my punctuation and grammar sucks as does my bastardization of the English language. A couple of events have caught my attention and made me realize that my life here is not going to last forever.
A favorite niece turned fifty and put her celebration drunkenness on Facebook and good for her! What got to me though, was that I totally remember my fiftieth birthday and it was not pretty. I was inconsolable and so sad, unhappy, and and.. well, you get the picture. Life does not end at fifty, but you would have been hard-pressed to tell me that. Why is that such a pivotal age I wonder? It is hard to explain but I will never forget it.
My life did not end, going forward I carried on but my heart was not in it. I lost ten years in there somewhere and how did that happen? We live, we breathe, we work and we work some more and go through the motions I guess. THEN along came sixty and … my joy at becoming this age still surprises the shit outta me! AND I’m even much older now : ) hard to believe I know.
What next you wonder, I did all sorts of things AFTER I turned sixty. I became a writer and an inventor and I started living My-Third Life and everyone lived happily ever after, but wait…
My inventions only made it to the marketing stage. I experienced a health scare that put my inventions on the back burner and I just never felt the urge to pursue them further. Been there and done that, and so they sit in boxes waiting for … what I wonder? My writing however is always with me, but the book I’ve been trying to write eludes me yet, half finished.
I had an encounter with an author at Quartzsite this past week and she has been stalking me ever since. DebraDickinson.com She is much younger than I am and had a TBI (traumatic brain injury). She was a science teacher and a mathematician and lost all that from her TBI. Well to add to my discomfort (in my mind only) she is an author now. She is working on her tenth book!!!!! in THREE years! My comfort zone is shattered and my smug little life is torn in two. What next .. is this how it all ends I wonder?
What do I need to light a fire under me? The one thing we do have in common is that she is a blogger as well. She calls hers vlogging and she has quite a presence on social media. She says out of everything in rehab, her joy in writing kept her going and was the one thing she needed to do if she had a choice. That is true for me as well, she inspired me but also made me aware of how I’m only just coasting along.
Those two events have been weighing on me and I have to get my ass in gear and get back to my book. I have two books that need to come outta me at some point and yes I do have to share my story. There are still women who need to know how valuable they are to not only themselves but to others too. We are a force to be reckoned with and not wrecked to suit another person’s needs. We are smart, we are funny, we are compassionate and we are so worthy of love and respect. Never, ever let another person disrespect you (I was going to say a man .. hmmmm… yep gonna say it) NEVER EVER let a man disrespect you EVER!
And please Lord, let me get back to my book writing, I need this to happen. My life is not getting any longer. To my favorite niece who turned fifty.. your whole life is still ahead of you. Hell, I didn’t even know what I wanted to be when I grew up and turned fifty!
and that’s the truth….
copyright January 27th, 2024