Most of us don’t think about death, it is not in my nature to be grim. I like to think I am an optimist and most of the time it’s easy. This is not to say it is easy, because that would be a lie. The death of someone very close to me has me pondering how I will die, do you think about it too? (and not my demise btw loll)
I work at being optimistic, I need to flush stuff all the time. I came up with the flushing thing after my divorce. We tend to reflect on our past mistakes to figure out what we could have done differently. This was not helpful for me, it tended to make me feel inadequate and helpless but more importantly, is the fact .. “I couldn’t change what already was.”
In case you know me and think I have my shit together, well.. you are mostly right. What you don’t know is that I struggle with keeping up this end of my life. Stuff happens all the time to shoot us down and I’m a crier, my feelings get hurt easily, especially by those I’m closest to. Most times I get over it by flushing it!
The thing is, those that are closest to us don’t even know they are hurting us. I am not writing this to point blame or wanting sympathy even, I just want to share in case some might feel the same. This may be an O.P. Thing (old people thing) I honestly don’t know. The indecisions and doubts, death.. sometimes it just doesn’t make sense anymore. I also made another decision around the same time, and that was to live by my heart.
So far I’m not sorry, my joys outnumber the hurty parts : )
When I sat down here to write I was hoping for something uplifting, witty, and funny to come out. Instead.. all this ‘shit’ is showing up. Maybe some of you are struggling too. The flushing thing works for me 99% of the time, if it didn’t I probably wouldn’t be here. I literally picture the hurt and tell myself to flush it! This includes all the AFTER-THOUGHTS!
After-thoughts are like giving it ‘real estate in your head’ and that is to be avoided. Sometimes though I feel a need to wallow.. like in a broken relationship. I will allow myself ‘wallow time’ knowing that when done, it will be flushed. This works for me and has given me a way to deal with my life choices.
We all have techniques for coping and I am sharing mine only because, hmmm.. maybe I need to practice what I preach? I awoke in a panic a few mornings ago, seems I was on a sinking boat in my dreams with my ex, (thank god I can swim) my ex, however, cannot. Sometimes there is a silver lining in our fearful thoughts. See.. I added some humor.
Some mornings I lay in bed and visualize the good things in my life and how lucky I am to even be here, AND the fact that I know how to swim. This takes patience and so does flushing stuff, knowing we have to do it can be a drag as well. Some like to live in the negative, living vicariously through others’ misery. I would rather be dead.. and I’m not kidding.
Having joy in our lives also requires effort sometimes. We need to visualize it and allow it to flow in. Flushing the hurts, negatives, and perceived slights when necessary. If we don’t flush all the shit, it clogs up and backs up and we end up with “shit everywhere!”
If you are reading this and have all your shit together that’s a good thing and I’m happy for you. I had to learn coping strategies and found that this one worked for me. I’m not sure if I read it somewhere or visualized it by myself, but damn, it works and has gotten me through some tough times. My other go-to and this came from the bible I’m thinking.. “and this too shall pass.”
I ran across this on Facebook, its by Ralph Waldo Emerson and it was timely and it’s how I want to end this blog.. (he died over 100 years ago!)
copyright November 2019