Most of us don’t think about death .. it is not in my nature to be grim. I like to think I am an optimist and most of the time its easy. This is not to say it’s easy.. because that would be a lie. Maybe you are like me, I dunno, let’s see. The death of someone close has me pondering how I will die, do you think about it too? (and not my demise btw loll)
I work at being optimistic, I need to flush stuff all the time. I came up with the flushing thing after my divorce. We tend to reflect on our past mistakes to figure out what we could have done different. This was not helpful for me, it tended to make me feel inadequate and helpless but more important .. I couldn’t change what already was.
In case you know me and think I have my shit together, well.. you are mostly right. What you don’t know is that I struggle with keeping up this end of my life. Stuff happens all the time to shoot us down and I’m a crier, my feelings get hurt easily, especially by those I’m closest too. Most of the time I get over it by flushing it!
The thing is, those close to us don’t even know they are hurting us. I am not writing this to point blame or wanting sympathy even, just want to share in case some might feel the same. This just may be an old people thing.. I honestly don’t know. The indecisions and doubts, death.. sometimes it just doesn’t make sense anymore.
When I sat down here to write I was hoping for something uplifting, witty and funny to come out. Instead.. all this is showing up. Maybe some of you are struggling too. The flushing thing is ok and works most of the time, if it didn’t I would be a mess. I literally picture the hurt and tell myself to flush it! This includes all the AFTER-THOUGHTS!
After-thoughts are like giving it ‘real estate in your head’.. and that is to be avoided. Sometimes though, I feel a need to wallow.. like a broken relationship, I will allow myself ‘wallow-time’. I do this knowing that when done, it will be flushed once more! It works for me and has given me a way to deal with the shit that comes my way.
We all have techniques for coping and I am sharing mine, only because .. hmmm.. maybe I need to practice what I preach? I woke up in a panic a few mornings ago.. I was on a sinking boat in my dream, with my ex, (thank god I can swim) my ex however, cannot.. so sometimes there is a silver lining in our fearful thoughts. See.. I added some humor.
I sometimes lay in bed and visualize the good things in my life and how lucky I am to even be here, AND I know how to swim! This takes patience and so does flushing stuff, knowing we have to do it can be a drag as well. Some like to live in the negative, living vicariously through others misery. I would rather be dead.. and I’m not kidding.
Having joy in our lives requires effort sometimes. We need to visualize it and allow it to flow in. Flushing the hurts, negatives and perceived slights is necessary. If we don’t flush all the shit.. sorry/not sorry, it clogs up and backs up and we end up with “shit everywhere!”
I ran across this on Facebook by Ralph Waldo Emerson and it was timely and it’s how I want to end this blog.. (he died over a 100 years ago!)