My pillow talk (revised from sleeping on a cloud 2014)

My Pillow Talk

Sleeping on a cloud is worth every penny, this particular cloud cost twenty thousand pennies.

I brought my hand down onto the down pillow I was returning to Sears. Feathers flew everywhere and a couple onto the face of the assistant manager, one feather lodged onto the side of his nose and stayed there, he did not blink. His face was already red and set into ‘I am not budging from my position mode’ he looked to be no more than a teenager and definitely was outmatched dealing with me.

I confess I was tempted to hit the pillow again, ok, so I did. We now had feathers everywhere and baby faced assistant manager was starting to crack, good. He is now trying to gather up feathers but these expensive little white goose down feathers were so light and fluffy they defied capture. I know this because I was still finding the odd feathers a week later in my own bedroom. Time to call in the Sears senior manager. Babyface punches numbers into the phone and hisses under his breath, but I hear him “I need help, NOW!”

This all started the day I bought these precious pillows. I will need to back up just a bit. I spent a fantastic week in New Orleans a few years ago, made better or maybe it was the best part, at La Pavillon hotel. This is the oldest hotel in New Orleans and is restored to its original glory complete with the magnificent chandeliers and ghosts on the fifth floor. They have a long tradition of serving milk and peanut butter sandwiches every evening in the beautifully appointed lobby.

This hotel came complete with exquisitely dressed doormen and period furniture. Everything about this lovely place reeked of history and opulence as well as good old-fashioned white-glove service. I loved it all and didn’t even know this was the same hotel used in filming “The Butler.” A true story of finding the man that served as the personal butler to many presidents, Oprah played his wife. He was discovered in this very hotel.

Back to my story. Being somewhat fussy about pillows I have on occasion, taken my own on trips. A good night’s sleep for me includes a down-filled pillow. This historic hotel had the best pillows I have ever slept on. Now to be fair I was also there with my lover, he was on a training seminar for high tech IT stuff, and I was basking in the glow of his attention. Had I known how great lovers can be on road trips, I would have had one much sooner and left the husband at home. Ah well .. hindsight.

Towards the end of our stay, I decided to investigate this wonderful cloud I was sleeping on. I ripped off the pillowcase to discover the brand name was Pacific Coast Pillows. Once back home, I took a trip with my oldest granddaughter to the Moose Jaw Spa and we happened to pop into the Sears store there. A sales gal asks me what I am looking for, I say pillows and specifically the Pacific Coast brand. I have no expectations whatsoever of finding these pillows, ever.

“Well,” she says “we do carry them and they are on sale right now!” Turns out these pillows are two hundred dollars, insert choking noises here! I would never pay that much for a pillow, but I am in luck, they are on for half price, insert more choking noises here. I have never paid a hundred dollars for a pillow either. I bite the bullet and buy the pillow and guess what? THIS PILLOW HAS AN EIGHT-YEAR GUARANTEE! A guarantee on pillows? Who knew?

Ok, back to my story, I am in love with this pillow and obsessed, it goes everywhere with me. Having a cabin at the lake has me purchasing a couple more of these pillows. ONLY when on sale of course. They have shorter ones and different comfort levels for different types of sleepers. These are high-tech pillows, all have a guarantee, lifetime on the feathers, not sure what is involved there though. If you are allergic to feathers this company claims that the down feathers are put through a very strict cleaning process which removes all the allergens and leaves you with this soft fluffy down. They only use feathers that come from virgin ducks :  ) I know, I just threw that in, it’s Sunday and I’m bored as hell.. how to tell if the duck is a virgin hmmmm, pay attention to its quack, shoot me now, sorry.

Removing my pillowcase for cleaning one day, all these light fluffy feathers flew out with the pillow, not thinking I turn the pillowcase inside out, and now it is snowing in my bedroom, a dumb move. Turns out the seam has come apart and so my journey begins on the too good to be true, guarantee.

Now comes the lesson in customer service. Sears LOGO is CUSTOMER SATISFACTION GUARANTEED We all know that BUT seems they sneaked in an added 30 days only or 3 months if you have a sears card! Babyface tells me I need to send the pillow back to the manufacturer, myself. I tell baby face that I bought the pillow at Sears and I am not shipping anything back anywhere, I only do emails. I totally expected a new pillow but I say I will settle for him shipping the pillow back and call me when it is fixed. Now I am looking straight at the big sign at the till that says ‘customer satisfaction guaranteed’ and I point it out to him but he is not budging, except to gather feathers. This is when he also gave me the rolly eye look. BIG Mistake!  That was when I hit the pillow again!

The general manager comes to his rescue, she basically recites the same policy as him but she is older and wiser and realizes that I have taken a stance and am not backing down anytime soon. We are talking about a two hundred dollar pillow here, it doesn’t matter that I got it on sale for half price. WITH an 8 yr guarantee I might add,  what would you do? She finally agrees to ship the pillow back for me after once more explaining about the 30-day crap. Thank you, and that is all I really wanted.

Long story I know, but in the end, I couldn’t part with my pillow so I took it home and sewed it.

Please remember this if you are in business (Sears is long gone) the business with the best customer service always wins in the end. That’s all and no more duck jokes.