I was Christmas .. now I am just a memory of christmas past

images7WDW9NCULet me introduce myself to you… I am Christmas. Now before you come to take me away or get offended by this , I know I am not really Christmas. AND.. I am not christmas anymore, but just a memory of christmas past.

When I was christmas, though, you can believe it was magical! I made sure Santa got the gifts to the right person ‘unwrapped’ under the tree, because Santa brought them you know. Even when that ‘hungry, hungry hippo’ couldn’t be found anywhere .. Santa found one in an obscure little town somewhere.

I made sure the stockings were hung and filled with lots of goodies even aperfect little something that person would  enjoy. No ‘dull’ stockings on my watch. Didn’t matter how much it cost (fortunately I worked and made decent wages) I made sure it was just what they wanted or if it was too much money IimagesMLD8138Z always eased the pain ahead of time and found something to make up for it.

We had presents.. we had stockings.. and we had food and friends and relatives over to share and laugh and to just relax and enjoy. Even in the bad times and the lean times I made sure that Christmas was special. I WAS CHRISTMAS.. and you better believe I took my job seriously!

Christmas was always the one time of year we could share and laugh and anticipate and squeal with joy at the sight of that hard to find ‘cabbage patch kids’ that made their way to our house. (I think Auntie Maureen helped with that miracle).

My daughter wanted a ‘hope chest’ and we got it to the lake without her noticing, threw a patchwork quilt over it beside the tree. Everyone sat on it off and on for a few days before Xmas not even realizing what it really was. Christmas day after all the gifts were unwrapped imagine her delighted surprise when told to pull imagesUQ8Y6BPGthe quilt off .. AND YES  it was a surprise!

Once.. I decided this was too much work and so we were going to spend a cozy Xmas at the lake just our own little family. As Christmas morning wore on it was so quiet I thought to myself ‘what have I done? I have killed Xmas!’ I mourned it’s loss and thought ‘what kind of fool am I?’ let me count the ways…

But I didn’t know and hadn’t realized that it is not about gifts and food and stockings and .. and.. but .. it is about sharing with family and friends. I was so caught up and sooooo tired of all the work christmas entailed that I was wiped out before the day had even started. And so we had a christmas by ourselves and what a forlorn one that was.. for me anyway.

I didn’t repeat that mistake again and invited everyone the following year.. as the kids got older I encouraged them to invite their friends Christmas day evening for card games and drinks and leftovers. I was happiest with a full house. Did I cut back on gifts and everything else?.. are you kidding.. I WAS CHRISTMAS !

imagesA0V74MGLFast forward to today .. my very first Christmas all by myself. It has been building up to this with the divorce and the kids having to divide time with spouses families. Each year getting a little less.. drawing names and what-ever. I have been suffering withdrawal pains with each passing one.

This has been a time of many memories and struggling with the holiday cheer and just wanting to cry every time I thought about it. So I have ignored the music and refused to put up a tree and decided to ignore this whole business of Christmas..  which I have accomplished somewhat.

A couple days ago I volunteered to help out a young womans shelter and I am very excited about that. I’m looking forward to the new year and what it holds in store.

My daughter called me this morning.. as did my son. I was on my way to aqua-fit (we still had it even if it is christmas day). I went to the clubhouse for christmas dinner and it was all good, they sang carols after and I didn’t care until they sang silent night.. geeze.. that was a hard one to ignore.

When I got home I turned on my computer and seen the picture my daughter sent of her  tree and the presents.  She found a vanity dresser my image1grand-daughter has been wanting for a long, long time! On the phone my grand daughter was sooo excited and was so thrilled with it !

all of a sudden I broke out into a great big smile and a little light bulb went off somewhere in my brain… aaahhhhh!! Yes it is true I am not Christmas anymore, but oh my…. GUESS WHO IS?? And I am sooo happy I have played a part in that..

Now.. AND ONLY NOW..  I can finally wish Merry Christmas to all of you.. I wish you happiness and lots of friends and family.

 

4 thoughts on “I was Christmas .. now I am just a memory of christmas past

  1. Enjoyed your story … it is Tuff getting accustom to the kids and Grandkids moving into different directions as they get older but I’m finding that I enjoy making my own plans at this time of year and often they don’t include the kids lol …. I would of been gone long before this if it wasn’t for the fact I have do a lot of running around for Glenn so he can get things caught up so he can take off for Jan. & Feb. /// but I’m thinking next year I’m going to be gone by Xmas or close by it ….

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