church or not to church

Well, here it is.. my Sunday blog and a dilemma for me. I have been invited to attend a church service. I have time to decide and I’m not sure if I want to go or not. I would be going to please someone else, sometimes we need to make compromises in our lives. My worry is that I may be expected to go every Sunday and I don’t think that’s going to happen. I’m not against religion per se but organized religion turns me off.

I believe in a higher power and even put my life into the hands of this belief sometimes. So it’s not like I’m an atheist, I just don’t ‘feel’ the need to attend a church. Growing up Catholic I had my share of organized religion. Attending Catholic schools ground it in even more so.. lordy lordy my soul was filled with black sins. My biggest fear was being in a accident and if they had to open me up everyone would see all these black sins! I wish I was kidding but I’m not.

Why did the nuns and the priests fill my head with such nonsense? To scare the hell outta me?  Pardon the pun, but really, what was the point?  Everything was a sin and I was full of them. I hated to go to church, it was so boring and if I skipped it, which I often did then that was another sin. Geeze, we couldn’t even eat meat on Friday, but I did develop a love for fish and chips wrapped in newspapers. Even my thoughts were sinful, there were no sin-free zones in my life at all. This was when I was only a kid, turning into a teenager with raging hormones I had one foot into hell for sure.

The irony in all this was that my best subject in school which I got all A’s in was religion.. go figure. I broke free of all that in my later teen years when I ran away from home and left all the shit behind. I don’t think I had a hard life but it was just not working out for me, so I left. I went to live with my dad in another part of the country and found out how hard life could really be. I ended up dropping out of school and finding a job, then moving out on my own.

This was real life and church was not even a consideration for me. I even made a vow that if I ever had kids I would not enroll them into that kind of slavery. I would let them make up their own minds about God and church and what or where they wanted to worship or not. A funny thing happened after that, I started talking to the Virgin Mary when I was down and out. In my head, of course, I’m not a crazy person. I figured she would understand being a woman and all. That helped me get through some tough spots and that’s all I needed.

Today I speak, or I should say my thoughts go out to a higher power, I left Mary behind a long time ago. She did her job and now when I need it the higher power gets me through my days.  I’m grateful for my life and give thanks when I remember to do so. I feel strongly about this and my intimate communications, I don’t need to go to a church to validate myself or my life. I’m also not worried about burning in hell, good grief! If anything I’m more worried that if there is such a thing as incarnation I could come back as a man, or worse yet a lawyer or a banker! Btw I also think there is merit in that coming back to learn the lessons we screwed up, in a previous life. We keep coming back until we get it right, it’s better than burning in hell I suppose.

In the end, I prefer my own way of worship, or whatever you want to call it. I’m responsible for myself and trust me, I try every day, to be honest and a good person. Some think I am too open with my thoughts and what comes outta my mouth and I tend to agree.  It’s hard for me to censor myself, I love life so much. I’m also not afraid to die either and I’m not going to rot in hell. I fancy I may come back as a free-spirited call girl and have all the sex I want… and yes I just may rot in hell for that thought.. but if it includes Tom Selleck who cares, what do you think?

copyright August 6th, 2023