*CENSORED* Man wanted: Is This You?

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  • A man to help me spend my money while he keeps his intact. Someone that will say ‘let’s take your vehicle so he can keep his clean (on yukky days of course).
  • I want someone that when I ask where should we go out to eat, will say ‘you pick-you pay’ and when I let him pick it will be somewhere cheap.
  • Must have lots of toys, way more than anyone person can drive, enjoy or play with, cars, trucks, motorcycles, boats, trailers of all kinds, (flat decks, enclosed.. open, etc.) and be on the hunt for more!
  • Must be discontented with what he has because there will always be something else he wants. Someone that will expect everyone to admire all his stuff and if they don’t they are ‘just jealous’.
  • I want someone that will say ‘what the f***  is this’ when I make rice as a side for supper instead of potatoes. Someone THAT WILL GRUNT when asked if he liked the meal, and will always point out when the eggs were not done properly at breakfast.
  • I especially want a man that will never say “thank you” when I do all the cooking. Someone that will get really cranky when they are hungry is a bonus.
  • You must be inconsiderate, selfish and always put your needs and wants first. You also should hate my family and make disparaging remarks about them at any opportunity.
  • A man that makes alcohol a big part of his life, and cannot function without it. When we go out to a dance or a wedding or party I want a man that will proceed to get plastered then dance with every woman in the place… except me.
  • Someone that will embarrass and humiliate me. When he does dance with me I want him to yank me around the floor and squeeze my hand so tight it hurts and when I complain, squeezes it tighter!
  • I want someone that will ignore my tears when I cry, never hug me when I need it (never hug period), and someone that will forget what kissing is all about. A man that will never give a compliment or say ‘you look nice’ is a bonus.
  • But most of all I want a man when asked if he loves me says; “well I sleep with you … don’t I ?”
  • I also want someone that is prone to rages and will fly into one at any time over something long forgotten.  Someone that will make me wish that killing was not a capital offense, and suicide was not the only way out.
  • I guess I want someone that really hates me so I can futilely practice my skills at making them love me.

If you happen to be this man or if you know someone that fits this description please give them my number:

1 -800 -F##K OFF

 Find someone else to give up a good part of their life and self-worth to try and make you happy. Maybe someday you will love yourself enough to realize your folly.

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Epilogue : If you see something of yourself in this man,  maybe it is not too late, we are all capable of change. There is no age limit on changing your life or your attitude.

Living with someone will always be a give and take, sometimes you give and sometimes you take. Just don’t always be the giver or always be the taker.

Never let anger and bitterness kill a love that needs to  be nurtured and  cuddled and kissed, yes..  kissed. While you’re at it, do it with such tenderness that your soul is nourished and you are re-energized to face the world. Kissing should always be a part of love and intimacy… I KNOW this is possible.

The end.