a glimmer of hope?

Travel, any kind of travel, maybe a visit with someone new? Is it possible to start planning again? There is a new kind of feeling seeping into my psyche, and I think it is called excitement. This feeling is delicious as it washes over me and I ponder its absence. Where has it been, I didn’t even know it was missing. Living in a pandemic, I flushed away my expectations, toned down my dreams and anything that would excite me but was impossible to accomplish. We are just living each day and trying to make the best of it, it’s really all that we can do right now.

THEN..  across my newsfeed this pops up, vaccines are ready and I am eligible. This took me completely by surprise. I was in for the long haul, everyone will be vaccinated by fall. In my head, I even figured to hold out for the Johnson and Johnson vaccine. Lots of wait time so may as well get only one shot right? There was no reason to get excited for a vaccine that was so far off in the future, why even hope? that’s what a pandemic mind does to us.

I look it over while still in bed Sunday morning, I’m half asleep and think ok, next Sunday I will have to call in and make an appointment. Then a different coloured font catches my eye, it says click here to make your appointment. I read it again and realize I can book it today, right now! So I click on the link and fill out the info to make my appointment. I get a specific date and time for next week already but wait, I have made a mistake. I go back and correct my mistake and just like that, my appointment is gone.. shit! So I do it all again and make the same freaking mistake, get an appointment only to have it taken away once more by someone else.. Jesus.

This is not rocket science, it is me not paying attention to a detail that I can’t even recall right now. On the third try, I’m going in again, this time because I held my breath and my tongue just so.. I get it right! My vaccine appointment is for next week and once it is confirmed I text my friends and relatives to get on this. I texted my kids as well to tell them my good news. As I let this information settle into me something started to change. A little glimmer of hope was emerging ever so tentatively and then a couple of wee possibilities started turning in my head. Living in a bubble is ok, it insulates us to the possibilities of life that we need to pass up, I’m talking about us old people now.

Florida and spring breakers and young people that don’t really care are apparently immune to this virus, or so they think. My time here is already limited, don’t get me wrong though, I’m not afraid of death. I don’t want a damn virus to take me out, that’s all. I want to go out with a bang.. with Tom Selleck preferably (he is on my bucket list). Unfortunately, that handsome young Portuguese guide Miguel, guiding us on our ICA culinary learning journey in 2019, has a girlfriend now. Ah well, I lust after men I can’t have, it keeps me young.. and stupid.

This brings me to what I wanted to share with you today. My excitement for life is starting to come back, just a little. FIRST off, I need to be extra careful this next while. Being in lockdown for almost a year I don’t want to get sick now when I am so close to getting vaccinated. It takes a couple of weeks from the first shot to build the all-important immunity. I’m still digesting this information and the possibilities are a little unreal to me. I always knew that if I caught the covid virus I would not do well. Traveling by plane leaves me debilitated more times than not, I get so sick. In fact, anything going around I seem to catch it and I’m down for the count. Seriously, you would think I was a man, that’s how sick I feel, my apologies to any men reading this.

Only those that are older and trying to stay safe will get this blog. I didn’t know how suppressed my excitement was until I made that appointment. Wow, this opens up a whole new vista for me, including life and living without fear, are these possibilities endless or does it just seem that way? Either way, we do what we have to do to get through each day, and that damn virus really drove it home.

We have all learned what’s important to us and it isn’t the stuff we needlessly buy. The people in our lives are what’s important. The love I have for my kids, the big ones, and the little ones, they never grow up in our mind’s eyes. The friends I’ve made near and far, fill my life with a happy I could never have experienced on my own.

I also want to add this, my own little piece of advice, if you will. Always take the road less traveled (try not to get lost, though) and never put off travel, when it is safe to do so. I am most thankful for that.

I also learned I am fallible, and we need to learn to ask for help when we need it.

that’s all

 

copyright March 2021